Shoulder injury

Last Friday I was throwing around a medicine ball like I've done before, and doing some burpee/pushups with 5-pound dumbbells, when my left collarbone twinged painfully. I'd finished my intended sets and was about to try for one more, so I quit and moved to the elliptical, easily pushing hard on the hand bars.

I forgot about it until the next day when it twinged again as I reached in my closet. It had been quiet all that afternoon when I'd been sword-fighting and doing difficult, draining, shot-block drills. It's been generally uncomfortable and mildly sore since then.

I've been trying to take it easy, skipping upper body workouts and trying not to panic about Spartan Beast training. I can feel a knot just below the clavicle but can't do anything about it. Today it twinged again, much much worse, when I reached into the fridge, and now it's radiating pain throughout my shoulder as I try to breathe through and blink back tears. Less than ideal for getting any work done.

So now it looks like I probably need to see a doctor. I broke my collarbone as a kid; it's lumpy and uneven compared to the other, but I never paid it any attention before and don't know whether there's been any change. I can't afford to see a doctor and am really unhappy and upset about this.

I feel like a failure because my body is seemingly too weak for moderate intensity workouts and because I talk about listening and being kind to your body but have failed to do so. I like to try to push myself to exhaustion, not injury. Logical brain knows this is nonsense and that this injury is just a fluke; Jerkbrain is being Jerkbrain.

The silver lining is that running is still on the table.