A Letter to my Congressmen on SCOTUS Nominees and Roe v. Wade

I'm sharing the wording from my recent letter-writing efforts to state and national legislators/politicians for those who want ideas on where to begin. Do feel free to borrow my ideas and wording and get shit done.
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As your constituent, I’m writing today to urge you to reject any Trump nominee for the Supreme Court who would vote to overturn Roe v. Wade and turn back 45 years of progress since the landmark decision.  

A recent poll showed that 67 percent of Americans do not want Roe to be overturned. We’re the majority and we’re not going anywhere.

“El Salvador has a 'culture of life.' There, abortion is banned for any reason. Estimates from the Ministry of Health put the number of illegal abortions performed at 19,290 between 2005 and 2008. However, it’s difficult to trace illegal activity properly, so some other estimates claim this is closer to the annual average. We do know, from a 2011 study by the World Health Organization that 11 percent of the women undergoing these illegal abortions die. That is, at the bare minimum, over 2,000 women.

"Amnesty International reports that suicide now accounts for 57 percent of deaths of pregnant females ages 10-19 in El Salvador. Because in an attempt to terminate their pregnancies, women are 'ingesting rat poison or other pesticides, and thrusting knitting needles, pieces of wood and other sharp objects into the cervix.'

"It was not so long ago that women in the United States were in a position similar to the one women in El Salvador find themselves in today. Before the passage of Roe. Vs. Wade in 1973, it’s estimated that between 250 and 8,000 American women were dying per year of illegal abortions."

—Excerpt from Harpers Bazaar

And for as much grief as we saw legislators give Obama’s SCOTUS nominations, at the VERY least, voters deserve the opportunity to voice their votes in November and let a TRULY representative legislature consider nominations on our behalf.

Consider your constituency and vote NO on hasty Supreme Court nominations.

Discrimination is NOT a Texas value

I'm sharing the wording from my recent letter-writing efforts to state and national legislators/politicians for those who want ideas on where to begin. Do feel free to borrow my ideas and wording and get shit done.
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Dear Gov. Abbott,

As a native Texas, I oppose SB6. Transgender people pose NO threat. Trans kids need our protection, not discrimination.

It is egregious to use me and other cisgender women like me as an excuse to discriminate against other Texans. We don't need potty police protection, and this bill would have the exact opposite of its intended effect: NC has seen an INCREASE in assaults against women by citizen vigilantes who think the HB2 bathroom law gives them license to attack any woman who doesn't look "feminine" enough for them.

Discrimination is NOT a Texas value.

Serendipity, Beauty, Unity: A Day at the Capitol

Monday, March 6 was Transgender Advocacy Day, and the ACLU provided buses from Dallas, San Antonio, and Houston to those interested in going to the capitol to speak to their legislators. Tuesday, March 7 was Abortion Funds Advocacy Day, and the Texas Equal Access fund provided transportation from Dallas. This meant I was blessed with the opportunity to ride to Austin, receive info, training, support, and lunch from the ACLU and to meet up with TEA Fund Tuesday to do the same and catch a ride home.

The final cherry on top was a ride to my car Tuesday evening from another advocate who said it was on her way home instead of my having to call for a Lyft.

Monday evening, Danielle Pellet brought me along to a cookout for some of the advocates that day, and I got to meet so many amazing people, including New Hope Mayor Jess Herbst. Dani also gave me a ride to my friend’s place to crash that night.

I went to boot camp before dawn with my host, and she was kind enough to offer me a ride to the capitol so I could save the cab fee. With her work schedule, though, that put me 2 hours early for meeting up with the abortion party.

This gave me some time to roam the capitol and catch Pokémon. I had the pleasure of running across Johnny Boucher in the halls to chat a bit and offer a hug and encouragement. His family drove down from Dallas that morning to testify against SB6, Texas’s own “bathroom bill.” They signed up and waited over 18 hours before leaving near midnight. A friend said their names were finally called at 2 or 3 a.m. Wednesday.

Tuesday was also Space Day Texas, celebrating space exploration. I asked one person at a booth what the event was about and whether I could have one of those spiffy astronaut-shaped stress squeezy things on the table. When he said “Yes, of course,” I told him that silly thing really made my day. He alluded to the stress of the day to come (what with over 400 people spilling into the halls as they waited to testify on SB6).

I remarked that I teared up when I saw so many people here for that, and he responded, “And that is exactly how it should be.” I knew he couldn’t say anything explicit about the issue since he was on the clock representing his company, but we shared smiles and well wishes for the day. Then I nearly cried again at the beauty of such a serendipitous encounter with a stranger.

And the day had barely even begun.

Positive Advocacy Outcomes

I'm sharing the wording from my recent letter-writing efforts to my state and national representatives for those who want ideas on where to begin. Do feel free to borrow my ideas and wording and get shit done.

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I spent the last two days in Austin advocating for trans rights and abortion access, to varying effect. I may write more about it later (and I did), but for now, here are the thank-you notes I'm mailing today:


Dear Representative Neave,

I want to express my sincere gratitude for inviting Danielle Pellett, Pamela Curry, and me to your office on Monday, March 6 to take a brief rest from our day of lobbying against the SB6 bathroom bill. We’d come down from Dallas that morning, and despite feeling buoyed by the ACLU’s energetic morning press conference on the Capitol steps, our following efforts speaking with our representatives’ staff were met with polite disinterest.

Your staff gave us a warm welcome and offered us all fresh fruit just as we found ourselves hitting an afternoon slump: both emotionally drained and physically fatigued by the humid weather and trekking all over the building, more in need of the snack than we realized.

Thank you for your kindness and all the work that you do in the Texas House.

Warm regards,

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Dear Maria Delgado,

Thank you so much for meeting with a pair of us from the Texas Abortion Funds on Tuesday, March 7. We were visiting from Dallas to garner support for an agenda of expanding abortion access to people most in need, especially people of color, minors, low-income families, and people in prison.

Our own representatives did not return our requests for a meeting, so it was especially impactful for us to get to speak with a friendly Representatives’ Chief of Staff and share personal stories of suffering under Texas’s restrictions.

Since it can be such a contentious topic, our organizations have so far been unable to find support for legislation and are taking a different tack with seeking support for the Abortion Funds Agenda in order to show legislators there is wider agreement of shared values than they may think. Whatever one’s individual thoughts on abortion, most will agree that women and other pregnant people deserve factual medical information and access to safe health care.

Thank you again for your time and the work that you and Rep. Hernandez do.

Warm regards,

Learn stuff. Make stuff.

Make art. Even and especially when the world is ugly.

Today's Google Doodle honors Edmonia Lewis, the first black female sculptor to achieve international acclaim while slavery was still legal. Google is being beautifully subversive, saying, “Today, we celebrate her and what she stands for — self-expression through art, even in the face of [adversity].”

Learn stuff. Make stuff. It will make you feel better.

Even selfies, doodles, and scribbles are art. Your words and actions can be art. Do something today to spread a little light and/or enlightenment in the world.

Letter writing

I'm sharing the wording from my recent letter-writing efforts to my state and national representatives for those who want ideas on where to begin. Do feel free to borrow my ideas and wording and get shit done.

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1-27-17 letter to US reps:

I’m writing today about health insurance in Texas and the U.S.

In 2001 my mom suffered a traumatic brain injury when was hit by a teenage driver and thrown from her motorcycle one night on her way home to her 6 children, ages 3 to 19. She spent three days in a coma and even her surgeons didn’t know whether she would survive.

She did, and after months in rehab, she finally came home with a shattered wrist and leg that would leave her physically disabled for the rest of her life, and permanent brain damage that prevented her from working full time and made it difficult to hold down a job at all.

An irresponsible driver ended the life that she had known.

She lived without health insurance for nearly a decade before the ACA eliminated pre-existing conditions as a barrier to coverage and finally gave her the medication she needed for the chronic pain and depression the accident gave her.

Please protect the Texas families who need health insurance and who face impossible odds with exclusions due to pre-existing conditions.

It is your job to represent us and our families. It is your job to protect us. I hope you do.

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1-27-17 postcard to Texas state reps:

Texas is the uninsured capital of the United States. More than 4.3 million Texans—including 623,000 children—lack health insurance. Texas’ un-insurance rates are 1.75 times the national average. Without an alternative health care plan in place, it is no hyperbole to say that millions of Americans will die when the ACA is repealed.

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1-30-17 postcard to state senator:

Don’t mess with Texas women.

Sexual violations are already illegal. Sexual predators are already prohibited from preying on women. We’ve already seen what damage that bathroom bills like SB 6 do to local businesses as in the massive boycotts in North Carolina.

Trans women ARE WOMEN, and the people just want to pee.

This Texas woman, and every Texas woman she knows, is against SB 6 and any bathroom bills like it.

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1-30-17 e-mail to Texas’s US reps

I urge you to oppose Secretary of Education nominee Betsy DeVos, whose confirmation hearing proved that she lacks both the experience and qualifications to lead the Department of Education. 

I’m a local reading tutor as well as a content and copy editor for Dallas-based Istation, an education technology company producing programs that help struggling young readers. What these kids and these communities need is change from within and help from people who are familiar with the public education system and its opportunities for positive change. DeVos does not fit the bill.

Our young learners deserve a Secretary of Education who has experience with public education and who wants to see schools succeed.

Thank you for using your voice to represent Texas students and the educators and community members who work to enrich their education experiences.

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1-31-17 letters to US reps:

Abortion is health care.

And it has enabled millions of women to not only start families when they are physically, financially, and emotionally able to but also allows millions of women to continue caring for the children they have. The Guttmacher Institute found that 61 percent of women who terminate a pregnancy already have at least one child. They already know whether they can care for a baby.

Medical decisions are for patients and their doctors, not politicians.

No matter your personal feelings about abortion, women and children—teenagers and girls even younger— deserve access to medically sound information and safe procedures. The World Health Organization found that banning abortion does not decrease the numbers of abortion; it increases unsafe abortions and kills women.

Abortion is health care. Abortion saves lives. And it allows women to raise safer, healthier, happier families.

Banning abortion kills women and children.

The majority of voters are pro-choice. And it is your job to represent them. It is your job to protect us.

I hope you do.

Workplace Wellness

Today at the first meeting of the company safety and wellness committee, we discussed purchasing AEDs (defibrillators) and holding CPR and first aid classes but did not get to the part of the agenda labeled “Physical and Intellectual Wellness Programs,” which included cool ideas such as lectures and workshops on stress management, meditation, and yoga in addition to the shitty fucking idea of a company weight loss competition.

As the meeting dispersed, a coworker friend suggested programs to the facilitator that might reward employees for wellness achievements over time, such as smoking cessation, which created a segue for me to tell the facilitator I’d be emailing her with similar ideas so I wouldn’t spend an extra hour talking her ear off on the spot.

Hi [person in charge],

I enjoyed our discussions today and am excited to participate in these safety and wellness initiatives going forward. I especially want to offer input on the suggested wellness programs on the agenda that we didn't get to cover today.

The concern with weight loss programs/competitions is that they lend themselves toward under-eating and overexercising in order to win rather than focusing on actual health habits. They are also problematic in that they can be triggering and outright dangerous for people who have or are in remission from eating disorders, which is honestly a much wider-spread issue than anyone wants to talk about. Further, they set up competitions that reward a select number of people but exclude many who cannot participate in the first place due to health concerns and limitations, low initial weight, and differing personal health priorities.

However, there are many types of wellness challenges that can eliminate all the above issues. I’ll do some research on specific program setups, but for example: allowing participants to choose a healthy behavior to pursue from among a handful of options is more inclusive* for anyone who is interested. Behaviors that are shown to improve health outcomes, unlike intentional weight loss efforts, include eating more vegetables, smoking cessation, getting enough sleep on a regular basis, and adding or increasing enjoyable physical activity (e.g., setting up step-counting/tracking goals, beginning a 5k training program, moving from a sedentary lifestyle to exercising X times per week, from an active lifestyle to increasingly challenging goals or adding strength training).

Thanks for your time and interest in these issues, and I look forward to further discussion and planning.

Warm regards,

Me

The reply I received:

Fabulous input!  Really important to give thought to such issues.  Thank you for looking into this for us!  Love it and really appreciate your support and participation!

Since I was on a positive roll, I sent in another idea:

Last summer we collected a petition/list of names of at least 50 employees who were very interested in using the business complex’s new fitness center on a regular basis (several times a week) in exchange for company assistance with the membership fee. Though the $120 yearly fee is very inexpensive when one thinks of it as $10/month, there is no month-to-month payment option, and it’s difficult for many of us to find or justify spending a lump sum like that on non-essential recreation. We submitted the petition to [HR] but never heard anything after.

In truth, there are myriad studies linking employee wellness to better gains for the company due to fewer sick days and increased focus and productivity as a direct result of engaging in regular fitness. With so many interested [OurCompany] employees and with  [OurCompany] comprising such a significant portion of the business complex, [OurCompany] is also uniquely positioned to negotiate a lower membership rate for us as a bloc.

This might be something worth following up on or reopening.

Thanks!

I’m keeping my fingers crossed. That fitness center is GORGEOUS and has a full lockerroom with showers I’d love to access after my mid-afternoon runs, as well as a squat rack, kettlebell set, and other weightlifting equipment that my city rec center lacks.

*I know these ideas alone fail to address all barriers, but I’ll expand on that in another post.

Unexpected Side Effects

As a privileged, university-educated, straight-size, fit, able-bodied, middle class, white woman, I would like to whine that my frequent posting about fat acceptance, body positivity, anti-dieting, feminist, activist, and related topics seems to make some men think I'm insecure and soliciting validation when I'm really just spreading information and ideas.

Logic brain understands that these men are tone-deaf and simply don't understand any of the actual issues I write about and probably cannot without endeavoring to do difficult mental gymnastics. Jerkbrain now worries that I come across as insecure and weak and will make me think twice about all the things I post going forward.

Ironically, it's when others declare themselves the expert on my lived experience by telling me I'm insecure that makes me feel unsure of myself. I never knew I had a poor body image or poor self-esteem until men told me I did and patronizingly lectured me about inner beauty and offered their unsolicited opinions to validate my appearance and self-worth. (The fact that their actions were well-meaning does not change or conflict with the previous statement about them.)

A friend once messaged me privately with a page-long lecture about beauty, acceptance, and self-worth, in response to my many fat acceptance posts on Facebook. I explained to him that:

I’m fueled by a lot of anger at having spent most of my life swallowing the message that I'd have to spend the rest of my life battling my weight in order to be happy, healthy, wealthy, or loved, and so much anger that so many others continue to believe this.

Beyond just posting links on my own page and seemingly yelling a lot, I frequently engage in discussion in private groups about weight, health, and beauty with women who haven’t heard it yet and are grateful when they do. (And am also contributing a chapter to an anthology of perspectives on the fat acceptance movement.) 

Personally, I’m bored to death of being told I’m physically attractive, especially by men who are often clearly expecting my gratitude for their thinking so. I know I’m conventionally attractive; it’s boring. I didn’t earn it and don’t feel complimented. I don’t want to settle for reaping the benefits of my privilege without a though and I don’t want a world in which women of different sizes, abilities, colors, etc., have to accept that bigotry either. 

I can silently work to accept that I will never be a "normal" or a "healthy" weight according to the "experts." Or I can teach and remind everyone that BMI is not an indicator of health and should not be used to make policy, and I can influence the attitudes and opinions around me and ultimately convert everyone I know to the "Yay fitness!" party and not have to hear about diets and weight loss and body shame all around. 

I didn’t always know these things or feel this way; I came to them by reading and learning, and others will, too.

Ultimately, we realized he had meant to ASK about my feelings on the subject but in a strange misfire had ended up TELLING instead. Apologies were made and accepted and life went on.

Months later, I posted a selfie with a sign about setting a distance PR in the pool and completing a "Fit Fatty Virtual Event." I received a comment on the photo from another male friend along the lines of "I know you're insecure, but I don't consider you fat, and the people who know you know you're beautiful. Blah blah blah patronizing validation blah blah."

I responded with:

Alternatively, you could ask me what the Fit Fatty thing is about instead of projecting assumptions onto me. It's the name of forums and a Facebook group that are weight-neutral places to discuss fitness from a Health at Every Size perspective and are hosting a virtual decathlon event this year, which is why I'm posting the pictures. 

It's exceptionally rare to find communities where we can discuss fitness free from weight loss and diet talk.

And he deleted his comments before anyone else could see them.

I question whether my response was appropriate, too harsh, or too soft for the comment and the person and whether I should also have added:

1. I'm not fat. I know this and don't need you to tell me so.

2. There's nothing wrong with being fat and I genuinely look forward to the day that I fulfill my dreams of growing up to be a jolly, round Hobbit. (I come from an overwhelmingly obese family [no value judgment, just a fact]; it's really only a matter of time. But by then my body may be able to support competitive amateur weight lifting, and how cool would that be? /tangent)

As often as we think of the perfect comeback far too late, I think I did alright and managed to hide and overcome the shock and hurt feelings that the original comment triggered so suddenly and strongly.

Regarding this, a woman friend pointed out: 

Many women are insecure. Many women fish for compliments; not necessarily consciously. Men develop certain habits and assumptions in response.  

Mentioning weight, shape, diet or exercise is likely to trigger these habits more often than it triggers actual thought about what you posted.

I can't keep myself from judging people who fail to think before speaking.

Things that might have influenced such a bizarre, presumptive, and invasive comment:

I don't feel like I need to explain posts promoting equality, body positivity, size acceptance, healthy behaviors for all people regardless of body size, not judging people based on appearance including clothing size, etc.

When I complain (often at great length) about the obscene prices of gender-specific underwear required for exercise due to my apparently abnormal and grossly misproportioned body, nothing in that complaint is directed at my body. I'm angry at apparel makers for only catering to a paper-thin range of body types and I'm angry at the patriarchy for the fact that good sports bra designs don't even exist and I'm angry at both that I have to spend a minimum of $70 on an essential piece of clothing to support my running and fitness endeavors that only works because I happen to run slowly anyway.

My body is just lovely, but I could write a book about issues of access to safe, enjoyable forms of fitness and even finding exercise clothing in the necessary size, much less being able to afford it. (I wish I had time to write a book. That would be a good book.)

I said this about a photo taken immediately after running a fast mile:

"I fucking hate photos of myself working out and am this close to quitting the challenge because of the photo requirement."

When I complain about photos of my running and post-running because my hair is disheveled, my face flushed, and my body pouring sweat, it's really not a cry for validation and definitely not part of an overall trend of complaining about my appearance. Even as an advocate for body-positivity, surely I am allowed to despise gym and fitness selfies? Or do I have to love and brag about my appearance ceaselessly? I'm certainly capable, but it wouldn't be real and I'd probably lose a lot of friends.

I wish I had some snappy way to wrap this up: Think before you speak, learn to recognize a request for help or reassurance when there is one instead of reading it into random statements and offering help unsolicited, and just fucking Google it.

Same old anti-choice lies

Yesterday a friend asked if anyone would be available today to crash an anti-choice event on a nearby college campus. I took a long lunch to sit in on the “Pregnancy on Campus” discussion, which was just a pro-life lecture and spent only a few seconds discussing pregnancy on campus.

I know little about pregnancy and felt unequipped, so I printed out NARAL’s 11 Most Common Lies Told by Crisis Pregnancy Centers to bring with me as well as a careful ear for what services the speakers’ organizations actually provide to women. Representatives from a nearby “women’s center,” Project Gabriel, and Project Rachel/Rachel Ministries came to speak to an audience of about 17, nearly half of them members of the hosting organizations.

Project Gabriel uses a mentor program to provide pregnant women with emotional and spiritual support and has a discretionary fund to provide financial support as well, seeking baby items online for women who need them. The Rachel group focuses on post-abortion counseling services and retreats for men and women of all ages but requires guardian attendance for teenagers. So kids who need help but whose parents would beat their asses for getting knocked up are clearly SOL.

The speaker from the women’s center had a pretty good presentation, from a PR standpoint. She declared, “There is no war on women” and said her organization is “pro-women and pro-choicES,” using Wendy Davis as a role model of a successful woman who had an unexpected pregnancy at 19. At which point someone from the gallery shouted out, “AND SHE’S PRO-CHOICE!” I smiled to learn there was someone in the room who shared my views, and at the end of the presentation, two of the people in attendance who were affiliated with some of these groups rushed out to stop and thank me effusively for my attendance and my respectful questions.

The women’s center offers free pregnancy testing, STI testing and treatment, and sonograms, as well as referrals to pro-life health care providers as needed. Their speaker emphasized that their goal is to support all women regardless of what choice they make, “no pressure, no shaming,” though not without a strong statement about everyone’s constitutional right to life. Most of her presentation was a slideshow of Reproduction 101: How Babies Develop.

She said fetuses feel pain at 20 weeks, and in the question and answer session, I asked if she had a source for this statement because it was my understanding that this is widely contested. She said the evidence was presented at the Capitol this year and influenced lawmakers’ decision to ban abortion after 20 weeks. (It didn't.) So that’s a NO. There is no science to support the fetal pain assertion.

The Gabriel speaker was quick to tell us about the breast cancer risk and imply that the media gatekeepers are hiding this from us in some conspiracy. I asked, “This question may be a bit out there, but can you speculate why the American Cancer Society, the American Medical Association, and the National Cancer Society all assert that there is no link between breast cancer and abortion?”

'Well, I can’t speculate why SOME organization would say that, but there are real research studies out there that show this is true.'

The AMA has made some boneheaded choices this year, but the correlational studies that suggest a link are poorly designed to say the least.

I got a creepy squishy fetus from the event demonstrating the features of a 20-week-old fetus. It’s the same material as real-feel sex toys. I also picked up a few brochures: The Pill Kills, which explains that the hormones altered by birth control cause women to choose abusive mates. And: Planned Parenthood Exploits Teens (for PROFIT!) A: Provide low-cost health care to disadvantaged women on a sliding scale payment plan. B: ? C: PROFIT!

Same old anti-choice lies with a friendlier face.

Choice 5k Race Bibs

I'm picking up bibs today for the Choice 5k! Time and money are tight, so I threw this together and sent it to a print shop. It may not look like much, but it's unique to our event and will make a nice souvenir for participants.

Why is it so hard to find body positive runners?

A running group I belong to lists in its description that it will allow posting of personal questions, stories, advice, personal race photos and transformation photos. I’ve really been enjoying this group because it is overwhelmingly focused on running, compared to a running group I rage-quit a few hours after joining because it was all about weight loss.

Today a member posted an image from the internet that has used photoshop to enlarge the thighs and butts of two slim women running together and added a bucket of KFC fried chicken in their hands. I commented that the post deliberately demeans certain body types and food choices and is offensive and inappropriate to the group, and I have reported it.

The original poster is defending it, claiming she has a sense of humor and that I need to lighten up. I have both messaged the admin and tagged the admin in the comment thread of this post and really hope it will be dealt with. I can’t believe all the people supporting this image as a humorous post and attacking me for being a humorless bitch. UGH.

Choice 5k Fun Run/Walk

A few weeks ago I found out that the Life Walk 5k anti-choice event is being held on MY favorite running trail. I went to gripe on Facebook about the violation with the idea that I might go out and run my own 5k on the spot before the first wave while wearing a pro-choice tee. But I had complained to the Skepchick Quickies, a group of skeptic, feminist activists and runners, and within a few hours found myself organizing a full-fledged charity run counter-event.

The Choice 5k Fun Run/Walk will begin at 9 a.m. October 19 at the Oak Point Nature Preserve in Plano, from 5901 Los Rios Blvd., the parking lot on the north side of the preserve. There is no registration fee, and we are asking interested parties to participate locally and virtually and to donate online to Planned Parenthood, the Texas Equal Access Fund, and/or local women's health charities of your choosing.

Wear pink, wear orange, wear uteruses, wear costumes, make signs. We’ll have photographers. Bring your friends, your kids, strollers, and dogs. See the Facebook page (linked above) for site rules and event schedule.

I'm really excited to see this event grow.

Edited to add: Skepchick gave us a shout-out.

Activism at work

We have an interesting mix of characters at the office, not just those we develop in-game, and it's always a surprise to see how things will be taken by coworkers and higher ups and to hear the off-hand comments and off-color jokes in the hall.

Hi [Head of math curriculum development],

I was looking over the common character phrases and am concerned about [a character]’s use of “beautiful, man.” Though it’s a culturally popular construction, there’s obviously no equivalent of praising women and girls, so it feeds into cultural tropes and stereotypes about “masculinity” being more valuable and praiseworthy than traditional “femininity” and “feminine” traits as well as the concern of it being socially acceptable to refer women and girls in mixed-gender groups as “men” and “guys,” when the reverse is not socially accepted. By comparison, obviously, we wouldn’t ever have a character saying, “You go, girl!” to the user. 

This is an issue I feel strongly about on a personal level, and I believe as educators that we have a responsibility to strive for gender equality and diversity in the content we produce; however, this is not my call to make, and if you think the phrasing is benign, I will defer to your judgment. 

Regards,
Me

Edited to add:

Hi Moniqa,

I totally follow you and actually we've tried to keep them gender neutral as much as possible. . . . Some of the phrases were early brainstorms. Perhaps soon we should review and remove statements that we think should be removed.

Isn't it nice when your personal concerns turn out to be a benefit on the job?

Ethics of meat

I’m feeling icky after reading and briefly commenting on a heated debate on the ethics of eating meat, with the conclusion being that I’m a shitty fucking person for being an omnivore and that valuing my personal emotional, mental, and physical health, abilities, and income over that of farm animals is morally lazy and inferior.

1.       Where do these skeptics get off assuming that vegan is the objectively morally superior choice?
2.        Where do these atheists get off cramming their “morals” down my throat?

Going vegan is literally the least efficient way to effect change in the brutal farming industry: you’re enacting a significant effort to accomplish zilch. If you want to end animal cruelty and your food restrictions are so easy to afford to accommodate, donate to lobby efforts to change industry regulations (or buy me a Whole Foods gift card), you self-righteous cunts. All your raging is doing is making me want to go out for steak tonight and talk about how rude vegans are and how fucked up their priorities are.

I'm going to continue to eat meat for the foreseeable future for many reasons:

• I’m struggling enough, as is, to deprogram the food moralizing thrown in my face at every turn by this culture within the context of anti-fat bias, to say nothing of food ethics in addition to that.
• It takes a LOT of bandwidth and a lot of my income just to feed myself ENOUGH on a daily basis without adding dietary restrictions or guilt to the mix.
• I am only just learning how to cook at all in the last few months, and it still requires considerable effort to do better than fast and frozen foods for every meal.
• Food restriction is super-triggery for many people and is not something I can safely attempt at this point in my life.
• Though I know it can be done, I can’t imagine how I would sustain my highly active lifestyle, including marathon training, on a vegan diet. 
• And let's not overlook the social, emotional, and cultural value of certain foods, including meat, and what it would mean for me to ask or expect others (friends and family) to accommodate me if I had dietary restrictions.
• I'm reaching now, but I could also cite my obese family and my present over-consumption of delicious, glutenous starches as a further obstacle to purging animal products from my diet.
• I don't care for rice.

Recognizing, accepting, and honoring my personal limitations and applying myself to other forms of activism is a good choice to make. We all have to choose our battles and how we prioritize our individual well-being.

Fueled By Anger

In response to a private message that seemed somewhat concern-trolling and presumptuous from a generally well-meaning friend:

I’m fueled by a lot of anger at having spent most of my life swallowing the message that I'd have to spend the rest of my life battling my weight in order to be happy, healthy, wealthy, or loved, and so much anger that so many others continue to believe this. I’m really glad to hear that you think I’m preaching to the choir, but I receive enough other feedback to indicate the contrary. There are still men who prove the point of these articles when they comment on them.

Beyond just posting links on my own page and seemingly yelling a lot, I frequently engage in discussion in private groups about weight, health, and beauty with women who haven’t heard it yet and are grateful when they do. (And am also contributing a chapter to an anthology of perspectives on the fat acceptance movement.)

Personally, I’m bored to death of being told I’m physically attractive, especially by men who are often clearly expecting my gratitude for their thinking so. (This is not actually directed at you.) I know I’m conventionally attractive; it’s boring. I didn’t earn it and don’t feel complimented. I don’t want to settle for reaping the benefits of my privilege without a though and I don’t want a world in which women of different sizes, abilities, colors, etc., have to accept that bigotry either.

I can silently work to accept that I will never be a "normal" or a "healthy" weight according to the "experts." Or I can teach and remind everyone that BMI is not an indicator of health and should not be used to make policy, and I can influence the attitudes and opinions around me and ultimately convert everyone I know to the "Yay fitness!" party and not have to hear about diets and weight loss and body shame all around.

I didn’t always know these things or feel this way; I came to them by reading and learning, and others will, too.

Social Justice Hat is Heavy

I don't have a thick skin, a particularly strong mean streak, or the energy to sustain my righteous anger for very long. I'm just a soft and squishy gal. So yeah, trolls get me down. What I do have is a frustratingly strong sense of social justice and an overabundance of privilege, and lingering guilt tendencies from my Catholic upbringing. So I can't stop caring, can't take off the social justice hat, can't unsee the inequity, can't stand for bigotry or let it pass unchallenged even if calling out friends and strangers causes me more trouble personally than pretending not to care.

Some people don't own a TV and don't follow the news, preferring to live a life of blissful ignorance. I can't stand to be ignorant; I studied journalism at uni and I thirst for knowledge. Sometimes I avoid following a few stories--the Jodie Arias case and the Cleveland kidnappings, for example--because they're too dark and there is nothing I can do about them, nothing useful I can say about them, and the knowledge is more than I can handle among all the other tragedies and daily offal in the world.

But it's tiring. I can step away from the Internet or TV for a few hours, but I can't back down or let myself be silenced. Because the world is a hostile place, and one comment among the bilious hate can plant a seed into a closed mind or be a ray of hope for the others who wouldn't speak out. It's not always about the original post, more often about the hundreds of others who will read the comments below it, searching for a voice of reason, a word of compassion, or of indignation when needed.

I'm irked today because there's a forum thread devoted to discussion about why there are so few women in Amtgard (a national organization for medieval combat recreation), and several (usually lurker) women wrote of their experiences with gender-based harassment being a common problem, myself included. Subsequent comments told us it's our fault for putting up with it and for being women and for being attractive, we should appreciate the attention, GTFO if we have a problem with it, and calling me unattractive and therefore lying about my experiences. I think my misogynist tropes BINGO card is full, I seriously cannot make this shit up. *smh* And would-be male allies are silent because they're admittedly loath to be accused of white knighting. I wish I could say I am surprised at the direction the discussion took, but I never had that much faith in any significant number of members being interested in addressing the problem and changing the culture.

I've run out of sanity points to read or respond to the thread further today, though I worry what will happen in my absence. What matters is that most of my local chapter is pretty chill most of the time. In the real world, I can keep showing up, keep playing, keep existing, keep hanging out with people who treat women like full humans, and avoid the rest. Because I feel like my extra X chromosome keeps getting in the way of my being heard, all I effectively can do is avoid shitty people.

*And I am pretty hot, fuck you very much.