On misandry and sexism

Other writers have done a better job of explaining misandry than I can. Here's one particular piece I highly recommend.

 "No, I don't hate men. It would, however, be fair to say that I don't easily trust them."

 "There are the jokes about women, about wives, about mothers, about raising daughters, about female bosses. They are told in my presence by men who are meant to care about me, just to get a rise out of me, as though I am meant to find funny a reminder of my second-class status. I am meant to ignore that this is a bullying tactic, that the men telling these jokes derive their amusement specifically from knowing they upset me, piss me off, hurt me. They tell them and I can laugh, and they can thus feel superior, or I can not laugh, and they can thus feel superior."

"There are men who will read this post and think, huffily, dismissively, that a person of color could write a post very much like this one about white people, about me. That's absolutely right. So could a lesbian, a gay man, a bisexual, an asexual. So could a trans or intersex person (which hardly makes a comprehensive list). I'm okay with that. I don't feel hated. I feel mistrusted—and I understand it; I respect it. It means, for me, I must be vigilant, must make myself trustworthy. Every day."

Read the full post here.


Another good one:

"Consider that while you’re just joking around, a woman might actually be doing some quick mental math to see if she’s going to have to hide in a fucking bathroom stall and call someone to come help her, like I did three days ago."

Full post: Tips to Men I Love About Men Who Scare Me

Texas' new abortion restrictions scare the bejeezus outta me.

Trigger warning for mental illness, attacks on personal autonomy, abortion discussion, and suicidal ideation.

I've read many eloquent articles and blog posts that attempt to explain or analogize for men what being a woman is like, what daily fearing for one's personal safety and the very real threat of rape is like. I hope someday to stumble across an author who can do the same justice for what it feels like to watch our legislators' assaults on our bodily autonomy and to feel the very real fear and anxiety of being denied an abortion should one need it. Does anyone else think about this?

For me, personally, since I'm on the b.c. shot, I shouldn't ever have to think about it. But the fact is that the shot does fail for some women, not through user error, and my line is like cuh-razy fertile. And because the shot completely stops my menstrual cycle (as long as its working), I have no monthly reassurance of a vacant uterus. And because I hear that a woman typically begins showing in about the 5th month, it's entirely conceivable (ha) that I could get knocked up and not know about it until it was far too late to do anything about it under the new laws in Texas. And because of the depression/anxiety that runs in my family and my so far being the only one not yet diagnosed and medicated for it (because it is presently manageable), I absolutely believe I would try to end my life if I found myself in that situation. (To say nothing of the physical toll I know pregnancy takes on my kin.) I can't even lie to myself and hope I would have the strength or presence of mind not to try it. Failing that, I would do horrible things to to try to induce a miscarriage. And then I would really and truly be strapped to a bed in a mental institution and forced to give birth. Straight out of a horror flick. And because of the other medication I'm on for my acne, it would be a hideous diseased creature struggling even to live. And because my family is Catholic and are the kind of people they are, I would be shamed into keeping it and would forever resent it and everyone who loves me for the remainder of my miserable life.

I don't dwell on this stuff, promise. But the crazy hamsters in my head occasionally go in that direction and this is what happens and I needed to get it out. And I've previously spoken to my sister who's agreed that our family is the sort to shame us into keeping an unwanted pregnancy. This fear is all so very real for me and not as irrational/inconceivable as it might seem at first blush.

And now I'm thinking/realizing that possibly this is why I've been struggling to sleep, having nightmares the last several nights, and waking at 3 am for 1-2 hours.

Technically, I'm OK and I know I'm gonna be OK. I'm just scared, y'all. 

Social Justice Hat is Heavy

I don't have a thick skin, a particularly strong mean streak, or the energy to sustain my righteous anger for very long. I'm just a soft and squishy gal. So yeah, trolls get me down. What I do have is a frustratingly strong sense of social justice and an overabundance of privilege, and lingering guilt tendencies from my Catholic upbringing. So I can't stop caring, can't take off the social justice hat, can't unsee the inequity, can't stand for bigotry or let it pass unchallenged even if calling out friends and strangers causes me more trouble personally than pretending not to care.

Some people don't own a TV and don't follow the news, preferring to live a life of blissful ignorance. I can't stand to be ignorant; I studied journalism at uni and I thirst for knowledge. Sometimes I avoid following a few stories--the Jodie Arias case and the Cleveland kidnappings, for example--because they're too dark and there is nothing I can do about them, nothing useful I can say about them, and the knowledge is more than I can handle among all the other tragedies and daily offal in the world.

But it's tiring. I can step away from the Internet or TV for a few hours, but I can't back down or let myself be silenced. Because the world is a hostile place, and one comment among the bilious hate can plant a seed into a closed mind or be a ray of hope for the others who wouldn't speak out. It's not always about the original post, more often about the hundreds of others who will read the comments below it, searching for a voice of reason, a word of compassion, or of indignation when needed.

I'm irked today because there's a forum thread devoted to discussion about why there are so few women in Amtgard (a national organization for medieval combat recreation), and several (usually lurker) women wrote of their experiences with gender-based harassment being a common problem, myself included. Subsequent comments told us it's our fault for putting up with it and for being women and for being attractive, we should appreciate the attention, GTFO if we have a problem with it, and calling me unattractive and therefore lying about my experiences. I think my misogynist tropes BINGO card is full, I seriously cannot make this shit up. *smh* And would-be male allies are silent because they're admittedly loath to be accused of white knighting. I wish I could say I am surprised at the direction the discussion took, but I never had that much faith in any significant number of members being interested in addressing the problem and changing the culture.

I've run out of sanity points to read or respond to the thread further today, though I worry what will happen in my absence. What matters is that most of my local chapter is pretty chill most of the time. In the real world, I can keep showing up, keep playing, keep existing, keep hanging out with people who treat women like full humans, and avoid the rest. Because I feel like my extra X chromosome keeps getting in the way of my being heard, all I effectively can do is avoid shitty people.

*And I am pretty hot, fuck you very much.