June Journaling 21-24

I found a list of daily prompts for journaling in June and thought I'd give it a shot.
Yes, it's late; life happens.

21. What motivates you?

I sign up for races in order to motivate myself to work out. I work out to help mitigate depression and construct purpose in my life.

I work so I can maintain the lifestyle I like, including living in a house instead of an apartment, eating good food, and socializing with friends.

I volunteer to support my hobbies (trail rebuilding and race volunteering) and (clinic escorting) to atone for my teenage years spent as a rabid pro-lifer. 

22. What do you need?

Well, this prompt is painfully vague, isn't it?

I wish I had more time and social energy. I'd been looking forward to Queerbomb (the local anti-corporate-sponsorship alternative Pride event) for weeks and very much wanted to attend, but I had two migraines and slept very poorly every night in the week leading up to it and could not muster an ounce of energy to spend with crowds when the day finally came. I had strongly ambivalent feelings about not going.

I wish there were more ways to spend time with the queer community that weren't so late in the evenings or so spendy or so crowded always. Bisexuals are isolated enough; being an introvert doesn't help.


23. A way you relax:

I'm almost ashamed to say (because our culture insists it is shameful) that I spend a lot of my downtime with Netflix. I work full time and commute, which takes up 45-50 hours of my week. I'm training for a marathon, which includes cross-training and occupies up to 10 hours a week. I socialize a bit with my friends. And whatever is left after laundry, cleaning, and meal prep goes to sitting on the couch watching cute shows and petting cats.

I'd read more, but my job kind of burns me out on looking at words. I shouldn't have to justify spending time watching TV, but I feel like I have to because "laziness" is so reviled in our culture. Often I scan photos or work on crafts while watching TV, but then that counts as chores and work for me rather than relaxing.

Really, an episode of Charmed or Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries is such a lovely way to unwind before bed: clever, kind, kick-ass women battle and defeat evil in an hour or less. What could be better?

24. The person you are currently grateful for:

I'm very grateful for the love, affection, and concern from my close friends and my sister. It's been a rough couple of weeks since the Orlando massacre, and it's been a huge help to know I have people who care for me and whom I can rely on. I've been sharing hugs and extra support with my housemates recently and lots of love with other friends as well.

June Journaling 17

I found a list of daily prompts for journaling in June and thought I'd give it a shot.

17. Words you need to share:

Especially this week as we're reeling from grief and feeling helpless:  

Remember that you must put on your own oxygen mask before you can assist others.

Take care of yourself and honor your needs for self care and self compassion. Take the time to feel your feelings, and don't worry if you cannot yet find the energy, time, or space necessary to comfort others or take action. Trust that you are doing the absolute best you can with the resources available to you; you are doing the best you can with the stress and coping skills that you have, and no one can ask any more of you than you can do.

"Remember that it is common to have a range of emotions after a traumatic incident. You may experience intense stress similar to the effects of a physical injury. For example, you may feel exhausted, sore or off balance." —American Psychological Association suggestions for managing distress in the aftermath of a shooting

As a bisexual woman, I felt this article in particular resonates with my feelings:

"Being a bi woman means occupying a lot of weird liminal space. In that way we are very queer….we don’t fit well into boxes. Too gay to be straight, too straight to be gay, we are often locked out of the resources and support meant for the queer community due to biphobia and erasure while being pornified and objectified by the patriarchal male gaze of heteronormative culture. It’s no wonder that bi women are suffering from such a serious mental health crisis."

Self-Compassion exercises
45 Simple Self-Care ideas