2016 Races I Ran

For posterity, I'm going to make a blog post for each year listing all the races I've completed. I meant to post this at the end of last year but forgot until now. It's still interesting to see the variations in my running/racing interest and motivation from year to year.

Here is 2016: 

Date	Name	Type	Distance
1-31-16	Too Cold to Hold	road	10k
2-06-16	Dash for Beads	road	5k
3-13-16	St. Pat's Tri	triathlon	sprint
3-19-16	Dash Down Greenville	road	5k
4-10-16	Zombies, Run!	virtual race	10k
4-12-16	Spring Duathlon	virtual race	10k/5k run/bike
4-17-16	Zombies, Run!	virtual race	5k
4-30-16	Run for Human Rights	road	5k
5-06-16	Super Mom	virtual	5k
5-08-16	JCC Bagel Run	road	10k
5-19-16	Kickoff	road	5k
5-22-16	Texasman Triathlon	triathlon	Olympic
6-25-16	Meaningful Miles	road	10k
8-13-16	Cobra Brew	road	5k
8-14-16	Hottest Half /10k	road	10k
9-25-16	Plano Balloon Festival	road	half marathon
10-23-16	Tough Mudder	obstacle	10-12 mi
10-29-16	Shannon Brewing Monster	road	5k
11-13-16	Trinity River Run	trail	10k
12-11-16	BMW Dallas Marathon	road	marathon

That’s 20 total.

2010-12 Races I Ran
2013 Races I Ran 
2014 Races I Ran
2015 Races I Ran 

Spiritual Skepticism

Recently in a Facebook status, I wondered what the overall overlap between women and non-men who are skeptic/atheist/freethinkers and also witches/wiccan/pagan looks like. Because I do know quite a few of us just locally. And why.

Thinking about “the why,” this is what I came up with: community, ritual, shiny rocks, fire, fashion, queerness, and upsetting the patriarchy/kyriarchy.

But how can skepticism and belief in the supernatural coexist? I don’t necessarily mean belief, but the witchy/new age practices are common in my circles, for some of the reasons mentioned above.

I’m atheist but find meditative and creative-thinking value in reading tarot cards; community, connection, support, and grounding in a monthly women’s full moon circle; and personal empowerment in creating art, personal rituals, and altar design. I don’t have to believe the supernatural aspects to find that focusing my thoughts on something helps me foster calmness, reduce anxiety, explore and process complex feelings, and work through personal trauma, struggles, etc.

The Truth behind any practice matters less than the effect. The mind is very powerful, and we're constantly seeing new and fascinating studies that validate many things previously thought to be “woo woo.” Meditation, for example, is often viewed or practiced with a spiritual bent but has buckets of data showing its impact on mitigating stress, anxiety, depression, and more.

Also, skepticism does not invalidate belief in one’s self, one’s choices to practice rituals that provide structure, focus, and community.

Independent of supernatural accuracy and prediction, to learn or receive a tarot reading requires concentration and creativity to identify the ways that different symbols and ideas connect to your life and your world.

Belief in an all-powerful deity and community worship at a church may not suit us, but community and the belief that we CAN affect our world does. Especially as women and read-as-women people.

Community and ritual have value independent of belief in any one thing. Many of these ideas are the reason that Unitarian Universalist churches exist. Various belief systems share common threads, but rigid dogma drives people away. No matter your path, your experience of the world and relationship to whatever deity or power is going to be totally unique, because we are all individuals.

Many witches of yore were just pharmacists and physicians anyway. And a second component of community is not just seeking it for oneself but feeling driven to support others as well. [Something something paradigm of healers, caretakers, mothers, sisterhood, etc. — a thought that won’t fully coalesce just now.]

Ancient goddesses are fascinating characters and a joy to learn about, belief or no. Studying these characters, cultures, and myths is more than entertaining; it’s educational, too. Same goes for learning about crystals and other shiny rocks, plants, herbs, and oils. And who doesn’t like to smell nice things?

I mentioned queerness above. We know that the holy texts of the biggest religions condemn homosexuality and other queer existence even more than they subjugate women. When the religions we grew up with make it clear they don't want us, where do we go?

As for myself, Catholicism drove me away in my teens, though my dissatisfaction with being a second-class person because of dogma began when I was 8. In college I briefly read about pagan practices but felt they were still too rigid and too similar to Catholic practice and Mass. I found my way toward movement atheism, but it’s not as if movement atheism is super welcoming toward non-men and POC. Turns out that skepticism ≠ empathy.

Eventually, I meandered into my own skeptical spiritualism, which includes tarot, meditation, creating art, learning about and wearing shiny rocks, and meeting monthly with a group of women and non-men for ritual, support, and cathartic release.

We rarely hear about this skeptic/spiritual overlap in part because it’s intimidating to identify as both practitioner and non-believer. One fears her skeptical friends will react with disdain and that her pagan friends will take offense to her disbelief as perhaps invalidating or disrespecting their practice.

Below, I’m sharing some comments from friends on the topic:

N. “I was a jerk about tarot before. I finally got a reading from a friend and it blew my mind. It just gave me so much to think on and work on within myself.”

M. “I kinda bounce between pagan/wiccan and atheist, kind of a hope there are gods and goddess at there. I am very much a skeptic though. Why: for me its the accepting nature, the rituals, the spiritual side, shiny rocks, fashion, it’s just idk comforting.”

N. “I know a lot of women who are either or but not both. I like incorporating candle lighting and contemplation to my "spiritual" practices. But i don't consider myself witchy. I am very drawn to it though.”

Z. “I am. Most (if not all) pagans I know subscribe to a non-religious pantheist "it's all the same, depends what you do with it" approach. That fits perfectly with questioning hierarchies and manipulations of control in most things. If you can manage to not believe in patriarchal monotheism in a society flooded by it, the rest will likely follow.”

H. “I've incorporated a lot of rituals, especially meditative ones, into my life and have always enjoyed tarot as a tool of introspection.”

J. “I'm agnostic and paganish, really just pretty MEH on the whole cosmos/binding philosophy front in general.”

C. “Once I would never have been able to fathom an overlap. But now I'm a faithiest who goes to UU services on occasion. I like the introspection that some of these practices can bring. It's not at all what I thought it would be.”

J.D. “Raised catholic but realized science wins over human stupidity. Dating a Native American has brought out my dormant Taino Indian juju, but I still feel like more of a Jedi; we're all connected somehow.”

K. “I consider myself a past Pagan, current atheist. But even when I was a practicing and believing Pagan, I was a skeptic.”

Learn stuff. Make stuff.

Make art. Even and especially when the world is ugly.

Today's Google Doodle honors Edmonia Lewis, the first black female sculptor to achieve international acclaim while slavery was still legal. Google is being beautifully subversive, saying, “Today, we celebrate her and what she stands for — self-expression through art, even in the face of [adversity].”

Learn stuff. Make stuff. It will make you feel better.

Even selfies, doodles, and scribbles are art. Your words and actions can be art. Do something today to spread a little light and/or enlightenment in the world.

Letter writing

I'm sharing the wording from my recent letter-writing efforts to my state and national representatives for those who want ideas on where to begin. Do feel free to borrow my ideas and wording and get shit done.

____________________________________________________________________________

1-27-17 letter to US reps:

I’m writing today about health insurance in Texas and the U.S.

In 2001 my mom suffered a traumatic brain injury when was hit by a teenage driver and thrown from her motorcycle one night on her way home to her 6 children, ages 3 to 19. She spent three days in a coma and even her surgeons didn’t know whether she would survive.

She did, and after months in rehab, she finally came home with a shattered wrist and leg that would leave her physically disabled for the rest of her life, and permanent brain damage that prevented her from working full time and made it difficult to hold down a job at all.

An irresponsible driver ended the life that she had known.

She lived without health insurance for nearly a decade before the ACA eliminated pre-existing conditions as a barrier to coverage and finally gave her the medication she needed for the chronic pain and depression the accident gave her.

Please protect the Texas families who need health insurance and who face impossible odds with exclusions due to pre-existing conditions.

It is your job to represent us and our families. It is your job to protect us. I hope you do.

____________________________________________________________________________

1-27-17 postcard to Texas state reps:

Texas is the uninsured capital of the United States. More than 4.3 million Texans—including 623,000 children—lack health insurance. Texas’ un-insurance rates are 1.75 times the national average. Without an alternative health care plan in place, it is no hyperbole to say that millions of Americans will die when the ACA is repealed.

____________________________________________________________________________

1-30-17 postcard to state senator:

Don’t mess with Texas women.

Sexual violations are already illegal. Sexual predators are already prohibited from preying on women. We’ve already seen what damage that bathroom bills like SB 6 do to local businesses as in the massive boycotts in North Carolina.

Trans women ARE WOMEN, and the people just want to pee.

This Texas woman, and every Texas woman she knows, is against SB 6 and any bathroom bills like it.

 ____________________________________________________________________________

1-30-17 e-mail to Texas’s US reps

I urge you to oppose Secretary of Education nominee Betsy DeVos, whose confirmation hearing proved that she lacks both the experience and qualifications to lead the Department of Education. 

I’m a local reading tutor as well as a content and copy editor for Dallas-based Istation, an education technology company producing programs that help struggling young readers. What these kids and these communities need is change from within and help from people who are familiar with the public education system and its opportunities for positive change. DeVos does not fit the bill.

Our young learners deserve a Secretary of Education who has experience with public education and who wants to see schools succeed.

Thank you for using your voice to represent Texas students and the educators and community members who work to enrich their education experiences.

 ____________________________________________________________________________

1-31-17 letters to US reps:

Abortion is health care.

And it has enabled millions of women to not only start families when they are physically, financially, and emotionally able to but also allows millions of women to continue caring for the children they have. The Guttmacher Institute found that 61 percent of women who terminate a pregnancy already have at least one child. They already know whether they can care for a baby.

Medical decisions are for patients and their doctors, not politicians.

No matter your personal feelings about abortion, women and children—teenagers and girls even younger— deserve access to medically sound information and safe procedures. The World Health Organization found that banning abortion does not decrease the numbers of abortion; it increases unsafe abortions and kills women.

Abortion is health care. Abortion saves lives. And it allows women to raise safer, healthier, happier families.

Banning abortion kills women and children.

The majority of voters are pro-choice. And it is your job to represent them. It is your job to protect us.

I hope you do.

Talking about Anxiety

Inspired by a friend's Facebook status, this is a bit more stream-of-consciousness musing than narrative or informative.

"Religion was a wonderfully effective cloaking mechanism for the obsessive, racing thoughts," my friend wrote. "Oh, good god," I thought. I was raised Catholic, and I'll never know how being indoctrinated with incessant guilt precisely influenced my growing up with constant anxiety, but I'm still mad as hell.

Getting treated for depression (wellbutrin now) and self-diagnosing adult ADD (both within the last 3 years) has helped me A LOT in managing my anxiety. Learning about executive dysfunction and that I'm not just a fuckup has been key. When I feel on the verge of a meltdown, I can now recognize it for what it is, treat myself with compassion, and work through it, and often avoid it.

Regular mindfulness meditation sometimes helps me, yoga definitely helps, developing specific habits as a reaction to ADD has helped: training myself to put my keys, glasses, phone always in one of two places they belong; training a habit of making a mental note of the location of my car in relation to the building I'm entering EVERY SINGLE TIME; and perhaps others I don't even consciously recognize.

Learning to treat and act upon "maybe" feelings as if they are a "No" in physical/romantical situations has been HUGE.

I feel like Orlando broke me, and I had to pull WAY back from SJ/political posting and engagement on FB. My mood/anxiety have been a lot better because of that choice, but there's still that old guilt.

Completely quitting web dating for 8 months at a time was AWESOME for my anxiety and stress levels.

I'm slowly learning to recognize earlier when I'm becoming overwhelmed in a place or situation and giving myself permission to turn down invitations, cancel plans, and leave abruptly (as needed), trusting that good friends will understand and not take it personally.

I worry I'm framing this all as happy successes, but the truth is that it's taken a lot of damn work to get here, and I still go through cycles of needing to see a therapist regularly and not infrequently taking mental health days from work.

Learning about refugees

Last night I attended a panel presentation on refugee camps around the world. I learned some interesting things that everybody ought to learn as well.

There are 65 million displaced people in the world and 23.1 million refugees. For reference, the population of Texas is just under 27 million. In order to attain (obtain?) "refugee" status, it must be ruled that a person, for their own safety, CANNOT return to their country. Period.

And there are countless stories of people denied refuge who obviously need/deserve it, so that 23M number is egregiously small.

On misconceptions: Refugees aren't illegal immigrants pouring across borders. They go through months and years of paperwork, vetting, and red tape to be "refugees." Sometimes the UN grants the status and/or it goes through the State Department of the US. It isn't easy to prove one's identity (when one has, for example, escaped in the middle of the night with nothing but the clothes on their backs) or provide any proof that they would be harmed or killed if they returned home.

The refugee camps that the speakers described were pretty horrific. Some of them went from living in modest houses in areas just like our towns to immediately living in dirt-coated camps without electricity, running water or even clean water, or any kind of safety or security. Many people in the camps suffer and die from diarrhea and dehydration on a regular basis.

Violent combat continues just adjacent to camps and spills over into them as well. Some of the speakers' most vivid memories are of seeing bullets and bombs light up the night sky just above their heads when they were children.

They come to America to save their families, to start a new life, and to escape the violence—not to perpetuate it. They are VERY THOROUGHLY vetted before being settled here.

Maybe you can share some of this when family members speak disparagingly of refugees as vermin rather than human beings who are suffering and afraid for their lives.

Losing My Balance

I have run three times in the month that’s passed since finishing my December 10 marathon. I’ve done a bit of yoga and parkour as well and more walking than usual, but it’s still a marked difference from my previous activity level.

I believe strongly in choosing enjoyable movement to benefit your mind and body, not as punishment or a chore.

Yet I’ve been struggling not to struggle with anxiety regarding the change as it relates to generally recommended amounts of exercise, the amounts I’ve relied upon to manage my stress and mental health, and the amount of weight-bearing exercise I need to specifically counteract the detrimental effects my birth control has on my bones.

Race training was difficult and riddled with aches and pains, minor injuries, and illness. The race itself was pretty awful. I knew I would need a break from running for my emotional and mental health, but I wasn’t sure how I wanted to fill that hole to maintain my physical and mental health, or if I even wanted to fill it. I’d missed spending hours sitting and making arts and crafts, and I was so SO tired for so long.

I met my goal of finishing my first marathon, but the process of getting there wrecked the balance of exercise in my life.

I no longer want to train or race. I don’t want to keep hurting from the sheer volume of pounding the pavement. And I don’t know how to find joy in running again.

I’m letting my pool membership lapse because I hate having to drive to another city to swim laps at 5 AM in order to get a lane and get back before morning rush hour. I really want a membership for the rec center across the street from my house, but I cannot stand the idea of tolerating January-resolution crowds. I can and do use the fitness center at my office, but it has limited hours and I have to split the work day to get equipment and space to myself.

I enjoy yoga and weightlifting and walking and hiking, but will these be enough for my bones and my brain?

I have a strong interest in parkour and hip-hop dance classes, but the evening schedules are hard for me to attend, and I had to cancel last night's parkour lesson because of a migraine (which is likely to happen again).

I hadn't run in two weeks but woke today to a glorious 60-degree morning and laced up my sneakers to go hatch some Pokémon. I ran more today than I had the last two times I tried (both were shockingly challenging and painful and quickly turned into very long walks), and it felt really good. I don't think it necessarily marks a significant transition, but it is one good run, one good day. And that ain't nothin'.

I'm working hard to trust my brain and my body to do what they need to do for now.

And I'm meeting each day one at a time, adopting a bellydance teacher-friend's classroom rules as a personal mantra:

This body. This day.

A good day for a run. #runfie #fitfeminist #healthyliving #gottahatchemall #teamvalor #BAWG #feministselfie

A photo posted by Moniqa Aylin (@fierymon) on Jan 11, 2017 at 6:38am PST