Tuesday, September 29, 2015

Race Report: The Jailbreak DFW

Friends expressed interest in the Jailbreak mud run, so I signed up to run it. None of my friends signed up. I ran alone. With a few hundred strangers.

I went anyway because I wanted the stupid t-shirt, medal, and beer. I drove an hour to Roanoake, parked a half mile from the start line, and jumped into an earlier wave to get this shit done and over. Points for free bag check (but which I think ought to be standard in the industry), shady trails, flat course, pleasant weather, decent beer (Shock Top), and a quality race shirts in women’s sizing (which also really ought to be a standard offering but is frustratingly hard to come by).

My memory card wouldn’t work, so I carried my camera the whole way for nothing.

I was pleasantly surprised to scale the first wall obstacle easily on my own. I skipped the next one because I was tired of waiting in lines so much. Later I was confused to see people ahead of me struggling to climb the tire wall, moreso when I had no trouble darting right up it.

Eventually I just got bored with such long stretches between obstacles and a half hour of queuing at obstacles and the course being a mile longer than the 5k advertised. I skipped obstacles and walked a lot. I had a triathlon the next day and nothing to prove.

I crawled through mud, got my medal, drank my beer, stood in an even longer queue for 45 seconds of “showering,” and drove home. I showered as quickly as possible, scarfed down some Ramen noodles, and dashed back out to the Jenny Lawson book signing at Half Price Books.

Which meant several more hours of queuing. But I got a cool pic and get to say The Bloggess took my virginity since it was my first ever book signing.

TL; DR: This event did nothing to entice me to get back into obstacle racing. I can buy my own beer.

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