Tuesday, July 23, 2013


I gave up online dating because it's really only good for trolling trolls, and I'd run out of trolling steam, so it's been a year since I met anyone from one of those sites and something like six months since I shut down my profiles. Still, someone messaged me on Meetup, and I tried to be open-minded because he could at least spell and managed not to offend me in the first message, so we texted for a little over a week.

I mentioned Amtgard as one of my hobbies, combat specifically, and he said he'd really like to see a picture of me in my gear. I asked if he meant combat, performance, or court garb since I participate in so many aspects. The conversation wandered in another direction, and a few days later he again said that he'd really like a picture of me in my gear. I didn't answer immediately, because I was doing stuff, and he said, "Is that taboo to ask...lol," which is clearly not a concern for my apparent hesitation but a mocking of it. "You seem awfully eager about it," I responded noncommittally.

And then he got all bipolar-manic-asshole on me and sent this in rapid succession:

"Lol...why is that - I have only seen one photo of you*...if its something you are proud of - most people are open to share...if you asked me for a photo of me skiing - fishing or anything - I would send it.** I am not eager for anything - I am merely showing my genuine interest - my deepest apologies if you have met other people with alternative interests 
"I take it you may not be mature enough to meet someone who would like to get to know you better - please don't ever excuse me of any game or bullshit 
"Please Don't message me"
*There are four on my profile where he messaged me plus one I sent since I changed my hair.
**Um, but I didn't and wouldn't.

Unfortunately, I didn't have a witty answer and haven't responded. But it makes total sense, right, if you're a 40-something man messaging a 26-year-old woman to, instead of respecting her boundaries or asking about her concerns, mock them, call her immature, and sever contact, right?

Or is that a textbook example of projecting?
The more I analyze the pieces of this terrible power play, the creepier it is.
There had been several not-quite-yellow flags before that I chalked up to missing the tone in text communication, but it turns out I was right.

Fact of the matter is that I don't even own any photos of me in combat gear, nor does anyone else, because I am one of very few photographers in the group and haven't brought my camera out since I began fighting a few months ago. But I guess I failed to understand that a strange man is entitled to any photos of me that he wants and that I am supposed to send them immediately and eagerly so he can further validate my appearance and assert external control over my self-esteem. My bad.

Dontcha just love it when douchecanoes reveal their true nature with little to no prompting? I'll happily return now to my antisocial hidey-hole and wonderfully time-consuming and nearly obsessive fitness pursuits, never to surface again as an available woman online except to scratch the itch to troll.

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