A Post on Privilege and Coming Out

When an acquaintance admitted to being very mainstream, part of the dominant Christian culture, and concerned about making others uncomfortable with her ignorance, a few of us chimed in to thank her and offer perspective and suggestions. Here are mine.

Some of the issues that are integral to who we are but that we feel we have to hide are sexual orientations, gender queerness, alternative romantic and sexual relationships, religious/spiritual beliefs and lack thereof, social and political beliefs and activism, and even our passionate support of everyone else in these categories.

Lead your questions with "May I ask ... ?" in a gentle tone. It's very respectful, and I, for one, respond very positively to it—eager to inform and comfortable with declining if I don't want to discuss it in that moment. If someone is brave enough to open up to you, understand that they may or may not feel up to giving you the full alt-lifestyle 101 lecture, and that you are not entitled to be educated by them. There are hundreds of blogs and articles and books about it; ask for reading recommendations if you want to learn more.*

We censor ourselves in front of our family, our coworkers, and new people we meet, ever wary of the climate in any group. Some of us have come out to people who we expected to love us unconditionally and received some traumatic fucking backlash because of their selfishness and close-mindedness. And it's scarier still to imagine how acquaintances and strangers might react.

I'm a very privileged, educated, intelligent, middle-class, cis-presenting, hetero-presenting, conventionally attractive, slim, and able-bodied white woman living in a safe neighborhood. What could I possibly have to complain about?

• But I am terrified to talk about my relationships at work or family gatherings. My family doesn't know that I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years; they don't know about him at all. My coworkers know but not why we can't move in together or marry.
  
• I'm afraid in most spaces to share HAES concepts, because dieting is so firmly entrenched in our cultural narrative and I don't like it when people think me daft for espousing such ideas, no matter how much science backs me up. Or worse, many think me ignorant of reality and my own weight discredits me.
  
• I'm warming to the idea of coming out as atheist, at least in friendly spaces where the issue comes up, but I still kept fearfully silent at a Meetup event this week with an enthusiastic believer.

I admire those out there with the bravery to live fully open, and I try to be kind to myself and refrain from berating myself for not doing the same. I've discussed it with my boyfriend, and we're on the same page of not wanting to spark anger, backlash, and disappointment directed at us; we spend enough energy coping with life's difficulties. I choose my battles and closets carefully, and I still spend a large chunk of my time stressed out, anxious, worried, depressed, and sleeping poorly.

I'm not sure I'll ever feel safe enough to come out of all these closets, but I do think someday I will be strong enough.



*She did, and I led off with Skepchick and Queereka because they're very intersectional. Another friend recommended The Friendly Atheist. What resources would you suggest?

Watercolor achievements, now bolder !

I was struck one day by the inspiration to create a piece of very bold heraldry that reflected symbolic elements of my mundane life. The device I chose was a unicorn, but no dull traditional heraldic beast for me, no. It would be a terribly cute unicorn rampant, and to that end I copied the body design of the popular My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic art. The purple mane reflects my own love of recently having purple hair, and the “cutie mark” on the hip is a symbol widely used to represent polyamory: the infinity heart.

I asked myself how I could make this even more flamboyant, and flames was the obvious answer, linking loosely to my fire performances. I chose a sky blue oval field because I rarely see oval fields compared to more common heraldic shapes, sky blue for aesthetic contrast.

Since I’m not entirely open in my personal life, the idea of incorporating such symbolism into very flashy heraldry that would be displayed prominently with the meanings hidden less overtly was very appealing. Imagine these brilliant colors emblazoned on a large shield cover—it’s not a device you’ll soon forget.

I sketched the piece in pencil, viewing the MLP art nearby for reference for the unicorn. I used a light box to transfer the design in ink to watercolor paper and then used watercolor pencils to line and shade everything. I drew a wet paintbrush across each section to smooth and blend the colors and draw pigments into the center. I printed and oval from a computer and used the light box to trace it onto the final piece, cut it out, and repeated the same process to color  the field. I cut the backboard to fit the frame and glued the oval to the board.

Watercolor achievements - part deux

From my last post:

I'm usually pretty down on my 2-D art skills because my sister, by comparison, is SO amazing, but I still like to doodle and sketch a bit from time to time.

And so I found myself one night, shirking the responsibilities of my scheduled time slot for working on other things that needed to be done, instead compelled to sketch a phoenix. I had no references and was so pleased with it that I decided to develop the piece further for an Amtgard competition this weekend.

I used a light box (an overhead projector, to be honest) to trace the major outlines in ink to watercolor paper, including the body, tail, and primary wing tips/long feathers. I used a ruler to fill in the rest of the long wing feathers and then watercolor pencils to line and shade the bird. Then I had the task of filling all the rest of the blank space on the page. Again using watercolor pencils, I gave the bird a glow and an ashen background. I then took a wet paintbrush to each section to blend and smooth the colors, finding this paper MUCH better suited than the card stock on the Egyptian. Duh, Moniqa.

I added more black pencil to the dry paper for contrast and used a pen to finally draw in the inner body feathers/flames and a few outside details. I was lucky enough to find a frame and mat at Goodwill in the colors and size I wanted and will add that photo once I get it.

Watercolor achievements

I'm usually pretty down on my 2-D art skills because my sister, by comparison, is SO amazing, but I still like to doodle and sketch a bit from time to time.

I recently unearthed an unfinished, years-old sketch and went to work on finishing it. I had been inspired by Egyptian art and curves and used no references for the figure, later Googling Egyptian art to draw from for the hair and eye detail. I used a light box to transfer the sketch to ink on sturdier paper. Once that was done, I noticed how far off center the figure was and added a sun to balance it. But I still had a white space on the left to address. I copied some random hieroglyphs, knowing a better artist would do some more research and planning, but I was eager to be done.

before adding water

I used watercolor pencil to line and shade the whole piece and then drew a wet brush over each section to blend and smooth the pencil colors. I learned too late that card stock is not sturdy enough for such an endeavor, so I pressed it as well as I could between my roommates' stack of medical textbooks. I am very pleased with the final results and having trusted my gut in using "maroon" instead of "brown" for the skin and "peach" instead of "yellow" for the background.

I'm headed to the store this evening to choose a mat for a frame I already have and will update to add a picture of the final product.

Dragon banner

This year we've had several banner competitions in Amtgard, in which I haven't yet had the chance to participate. Most of the banners are made by applique, but the process easily frustrates me and I'm not very good at it. So I wanted to try my hand at fabric painting.

The design I chose is my personal heraldry that I designed for use in Amtgard years ago. There isn't much meaning behind it except for pretty colors and shapes I like and am proud to have designed and drawn by myself. Maybe something about strength, power, wisdom, beauty.

I figured I could use acrylic paints for the project, which would be ideal since 1. we have a bunch of acrylics, 2. I didn't want to invest in fabric paints for just one project, and 3. I know how to use acrylics but am awkward with fabric paint. The internet said I could water down acrylics and that they would look best on light-colored fabrics, but my design required a black background, so I resigned myself to applying many layers.

I thought maybe I could use an embroidery hoop, but those flimsy wooden ovals cost much more than I wanted to spend. I found a plastic rectangular frame for the same purpose at a better price. I bought some plain black cotton fabric and stretched and clipped it on. I used a ruler to draw the straight lines in chalk and did the rest freehand, which is tricky.

I watered down acrylics and began painting. Actually, I had to mix up a purple first since we didn't have any. It was not pretty. The green was easy and the silver as well. I worried about the gold, thinking shortly after I began that maybe I should have put down a solid color first, but it ultimately turned out lovely.

I later bought purple and added it on, but it just wasn't showing up against the black. It is astounding just how much paint fabric can absorb, and I applied SO many layers. Growing frustrated with the purple, I mixed in silver and ended up with a cool, sparkly lavender that looked lovely on the black. I don't generally like lavender, but this was a huge improvement over the initial layers.

I thought I might use black paint or fabric pen to outline everything, but my aunt suggested gray to give the shield some "pop" against the black. Having used a silver Sharpie with great success on other very different and unrelated projects, I gave that a try and loved the results, again using a straight edge where needed.

Star Trek arts and crafts and mud

Inspired by a link a friend posted to the cutest ever Disney princess inspired ladies' running outfits, I decided I needed a red Star Trek ladies' tunic dress for running, especially for my Red Shirts team that will be running in the Mud Factor 5K this week.

I've made a t-tunic before, though not well, so I figured this would be easy enough. I first made one with extra fabric I already had to make sure I could do it. I pulled a dress from my closet with the fit I wanted and laid it on the fabric to cut around. I chose a purple stretch jersey fabric, because I like the color and don't like to roll my seams if I don't have to.

I cut out two dress shaped pieces, sewed the top edge of the shoulders together, sewed the sides together, and tried it on. And took in the sides once or twice with )( shaped stitches. Then I hemmed the cap sleeves and put bias tape on the neck hole. It was my first time working with bias tape, and it wasn't awful but I can't say anything better than that. I finally trimmed up and hemmed the bottom edge.

I loved the fit, though it occasionally bunches a bit above my chest near the shoulders. I've worn it several weeks to Amtgard for fighting and find it very comfortable. Standard Amtgard tunics are worn very baggy with the bottom hem approaching the knee and sleeves near the elbows. But I find it too damn hot for that in Texas in August, so I wanted the crop sleeves, snug fit like workout gear, and short hem for ease of movement.

I later bought red jersey fabric (shiny red fabric!) for the Star Trek version. I cut it a bit small, but it stretches, and I like wearing my clothes tight anyway . . . especially for obstacle courses. I actually bothered to fold the edges once and stitched them before sewing it all together; I needed something tougher for the wear and tear to come. I appliqued the insignia on it with spare yellow fabric, which was a nightmare. It ended up with bunchy corners, which is super irritating to look at, but people who don't sew won't know it's not awesome.

Other Mud Factor pics:

My office building is pretty

And I dig Instagram.

The light rail behind the building gets cool reflections on the concrete wall in the morning.

I wish this one hadn't been such a gray day.