Answering Queries: Volunteerism and mental health

I put some thought into recent responses on Quora and figured I'd share them here, too, since I clearly need to work on writing more consistently.

How does volunteering and "giving back" improve mental health?

Often, a feature of poor mental health is feeling as if one has no purpose in life. Volunteering addresses this in a very direct way because it allows a person to fill a need in their community.

Additionally, it can get people out of the house when they might otherwise struggle to do so and provides an opportunity to meet new people, learn new skills, make new friends, demonstrate previously hidden or unrecognized competencies, pet animals at a shelter, spend time in nature, travel, attend interesting but expensive fundraising events or conferences that might otherwise be inaccessible for a volunteer, hear influential speakers, participate in enjoyable movement and exercise, and make the world a better place, all of which can improve mental well-being in various ways.

Keeping busy with volunteer activities can also aid in mindfulness practices and minimizing rumination. It can expose people to new viewpoints that counter false beliefs and negative thinking patterns and give a sense of perspective of the variety of challenges that others may be struggling with.

There are myriad potential mental health benefits to volunteering and giving back to others that will vary for each person and volunteer opportunity.

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Answering Queries: Asexuality

I put some thought into recent responses on Quora and figured I'd share them here, too, since I clearly need to work on writing more consistently.

How do you deal with being asexual?

It can help to remember that there is nothing wrong with you. Society is messed up. Social stigma is never your fault. Our culture’s valuation of sexual relationships is narrow-minded, unbalanced, impractical, and unhealthy.

Others’ assumptions about asexuality and misunderstandings can create a lot of challenges in social interactions, but that is not your fault either.

One way to deal with this is to find community. Look for asexual and demisexual groups and pages to follow on social media and forums, check out meetup groups in your area, and explore the friends-seeking features on apps like OkCupid and Bumble.

Learning more about your particular feelings of attraction or lack thereof both sexually and romantically as well as your desires in relation to sexual, sensual, affectionate, and platonic touch will help you develop a strong sense of self and help in navigating relationships with friends and others. It will allow you to determine your wants, needs, and boundaries and how to express them so others will learn how to treat you. There are more and more books, blogs, YouTube videos, memes, and podcasts on these topics. The Asexual Visibility and Education Network has some great resources to look into.

Some ace folk find ethical non-monogamy and polyamory to be valid and fulfilling relationship models because they can enjoy partnership (be it romantic, affectionate, queerplatonic, or something else) without pressure or expectation to fulfill someone’s specific needs that do not mesh with their own. There are lots of books, podcasts, blogs, conferences, social events, and social media groups that can provide more information if this is something that piques your curiosity.

Visibility of asexuality is increasing, and there are many queer allies pushing for better understanding, inclusion, and support of the asexual spectrum within the LGBTQIA community.

Above all, do what feel right for you and don’t give in to others’ pressures or expectations. Be true to yourself, and find people who respect, support, and honor you in doing so.

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Answering Queries: Sexual Orientation and Child-Rearing

I put some thought into recent responses on Quora and figured I'd share them here, too, since I clearly need to work on writing more consistently.

How does gender identity and the relatively recent occurrence of people identifying themselves as pan-sexual poly-sexual, omnis-sexual, ambi-sexual, and fluid sexuality merge into traditional mother and father roles when raising children?

The sexual orientations listed in the original question (pansexual, polysexual, omnisexual, ambisexual, fluid), as well as homosexual, bisexual, and heterosexual, really only define the types of people that one finds sexually or romantically attractive.

Whether one is attracted to men, women, or anyone else is not indicative of whether they want children or how they would choose to raise them.

For any parents of any type, the division of labor and childcare in a house is up to them to determine based on their preferences, skills, and abilities.

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Answering Queries: My Spouse is Bisexual?

I put some thought into recent responses on Quora and figured I'd share them here, too, since I clearly need to work on writing more consistently.

What should I do that I've discovered my husband is a bisexual?

If he has told you he is bisexual, then support him and thank him for trusting you with that information. It can be hard to come out to friends and loved ones because there is so much erasure of bisexuality in our culture as well as negative stereotypes and bi-phobia from both heterosexual AND homosexual peers.

Nothing has actually changed except that he has revealed a private part of himself to you. Maybe ask him if he feels a desire to act on those feelings and discuss whether or how you two want to address that.

If he has not told you, then he is not ready to, and it is not for you to “out” him.

Despite common misconceptions, bisexual people are no more or less likely to break relationship agreements than, say, a person who finds both blondes and brunettes attractive.

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Answering Queries: Superheroes' Tragic Origins

I put some time into recent responses on Quora and figured I'd share them here, too, since I clearly need to work on writing more consistently.

Are there any superheroes without tragic backstories? Why does a tragic backstory seem to be obligatory for a superhero comic?

There are some superheroes without tragic backstories, but many of them aren’t as widely known as the blockbusters’ lead characters. A few have unremarkable lives before gaining powers or becoming heroes. Several experience tragedy only after becoming heroes. And others have tragic events in their past unrelated to their being superheroes.

John Stewart has an unremarkable history before being chosen as Green Lantern, after which he fails in love and marries, and then his wife dies.

Lunella Lafayette (Moon Girl) is a 9-year-old prodigy and an outcast at school before meeting Devil Dinosaur. There's no real tragedy, just frustration at not being taken seriously by others. She fears the Terrigan Mist, but her encountering it is suspenseful, still not tragic.

Squirrel Girl discovers she can communicate with squirrels and later grows a tail—awkward, but no tragedy.

Faith/Zephyr from Image Comics begins her first solo issue with a monologue about how her parents died and didn't leave her with anything extraordinary except “the stories they loved. Stories that showed me how people could make the world a better place. And then I met a guy named Peter Stanchek and he helped me discover I had superpowers.” He was capable of activating others’ latent powers, but there is no drama to it.

Even Wonder Woman lives an idyllic life, literally growing up on Paradise Island, before Steve Trevor comes along.

[Edited to add] Kitty Pryde of the X-Men has no tragic backstory. She began suffering headaches at the age of 13 when her powers began to manifest, but she doesn’t encounter conflict until after meeting the X-Men. [/end edit]

The tragic origin story trope exists because conflict is generally considered essential to plot, and the reality is that no one has a perfect life.

There's simply nothing compelling nor remotely relatable or engaging in a story about someone who overcame no obstacles and now has it all plus extraordinary powers and a quiet life; they need an event to create the opportunity for them to right a wrong.

Superheroes can only be superheroes at all if there is conflict. A person with nothing to do but twiddle their thumbs cannot be called “heroic.

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A Letter to my Congressmen on SCOTUS Nominees and Roe v. Wade

I'm sharing the wording from my recent letter-writing efforts to state and national legislators/politicians for those who want ideas on where to begin. Do feel free to borrow my ideas and wording and get shit done.
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As your constituent, I’m writing today to urge you to reject any Trump nominee for the Supreme Court who would vote to overturn Roe v. Wade and turn back 45 years of progress since the landmark decision.  

A recent poll showed that 67 percent of Americans do not want Roe to be overturned. We’re the majority and we’re not going anywhere.

“El Salvador has a 'culture of life.' There, abortion is banned for any reason. Estimates from the Ministry of Health put the number of illegal abortions performed at 19,290 between 2005 and 2008. However, it’s difficult to trace illegal activity properly, so some other estimates claim this is closer to the annual average. We do know, from a 2011 study by the World Health Organization that 11 percent of the women undergoing these illegal abortions die. That is, at the bare minimum, over 2,000 women.

"Amnesty International reports that suicide now accounts for 57 percent of deaths of pregnant females ages 10-19 in El Salvador. Because in an attempt to terminate their pregnancies, women are 'ingesting rat poison or other pesticides, and thrusting knitting needles, pieces of wood and other sharp objects into the cervix.'

"It was not so long ago that women in the United States were in a position similar to the one women in El Salvador find themselves in today. Before the passage of Roe. Vs. Wade in 1973, it’s estimated that between 250 and 8,000 American women were dying per year of illegal abortions."

—Excerpt from Harpers Bazaar

And for as much grief as we saw legislators give Obama’s SCOTUS nominations, at the VERY least, voters deserve the opportunity to voice their votes in November and let a TRULY representative legislature consider nominations on our behalf.

Consider your constituency and vote NO on hasty Supreme Court nominations.

A Letter to my Congressmen on Immigration Policy

I'm sharing the wording from my recent letter-writing efforts to state and national legislators/politicians for those who want ideas on where to begin. Do feel free to borrow my ideas and wording and get shit done.
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As your constituent, I am writing today to express my opposition to the administration’s enactment of a “zero-tolerance” policy toward immigrants and refugees seeking to enter the United States. And I urge you as my representative to work harder to ensure that the US treats people humanely.

Legality does not dictate morality, and the current treatment of immigrant families and children is deplorable. Separating young children from their parents is morally bankrupt and permanently traumatizing. Not even violent crimes could justify the human rights abuses this practice seeks to do.

I share the sentiments of former First Lady Laura Bush, herself a Dallas resident as well:

“I live in a border state. I appreciate the need to enforce and protect our international boundaries, but this zero-tolerance policy is cruel. It is immoral. And it breaks my heart.

“Our government should not be in the business of warehousing children in converted box stores or making plans to place them in tent cities in the desert outside of El Paso. These images are eerily reminiscent of the Japanese American internment camps of World War II, now considered to have been one of the most shameful episodes in U.S. history. We also know that this treatment inflicts trauma; interned Japanese have been two times as likely to suffer cardiovascular disease or die prematurely than those who were not interned.

“Americans pride ourselves on being a moral nation, on being the nation that sends humanitarian relief to places devastated by natural disasters or famine or war. We pride ourselves on believing that people should be seen for the content of their character, not the color of their skin. We pride ourselves on acceptance. If we are truly that country, then it is our obligation to reunite these detained children with their parents — and to stop separating parents and children in the first place.

“People on all sides agree that our immigration system isn't working, but the injustice of zero tolerance is not the answer.”

Answering Queries: Wonder Woman vs. Batman

I put some time into recent responses on Quora and figured I'd share them here, too, since I clearly need to work on writing more consistently.

In the comic book history, has a fight between Batman and Wonder Woman been depicted? Who won?

Yes, and Wonder Woman wins.

SPOILERS BELOW

In The Hiketeia, published in 2002, Wonder Woman is honor-bound to protect a fugitive that Batman is seeking.

The two exchange blows, and the fight ends with Wonder Woman’s boot on Batman’s head as she tells him, “DON’T. GET. UP.” Batman concedes, “…All right. You win.”

One might argue that she doesn’t “win” the fight just because Batman verbally concedes defeat, but the story makes it clear that she will not back down from her duty. We can assume that she—with her nearly limitless strength, superhuman speed, and extensive combat training—would easily outlast Batman if the fight continued.

The Hiketeia is an interesting exploration of Wonder Woman’s sense of honor and the question of what constitutes justice versus revenge. I recommend checking it out if you have the chance. Literally, I checked it out from my library.

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Answering questions: Downsides of volunteerism

I put some time into recent responses on Quora and figured I'd share them here, too, since I clearly need to work on writing more consistently.

What are the three disadvantages of volunteerism?

There are not three specific disadvantages to volunteerism but several issues that one must consider before committing their time and effort to an organization or cause.

First of all, not everyone can afford the time to volunteer since it is unpaid work.

Even if one has the time, their organization of choice may not have volunteer opportunities at a time or place that one can commit to. Many opportunities conflict with work schedules or require volunteers to drive long distances.

Not all organizations can accommodate would-be volunteers who have disabilities or injuries that limit the type of service they can provide. I, unfortunately, had to end my time with one organization because running injuries hampered my ability to participate in the capacity volunteers needed to.

Many volunteer positions require significant physical demands of their volunteers and have injury risks even for fit people. These positions can include building and demolishing structures of varying strength.

• Organizations may provide insufficient tools or tools in poor repair, making the work even more challenging.
• They may require volunteers to provide their own tools and safety equipment such as gloves and goggles.
• They may require long shifts in dangerous weather conditions.
• They may have insufficient shift coverage so that a volunteer cannot even take a moment for water or a bathroom break without leaving their position empty.

Many organizations can better serve their communities or clients with monetary donations than with unskilled volunteer labor.

• It does cost organizations both time and money to train volunteers and provide supervision until the volunteers can confidently and reliably fulfill their roles.
• Anyone can organize a food drive, but food banks can help many more people and provide better quality food with monetary donations because of the tax breaks they get and the connections they have for buying food in bulk. And monetary donations also give food banks the resources to buy specific items that their beneficiaries need more than whatever was in the back of a donor’s pantry.

A lot of volunteer work is boring grunt work that someone needs to do: think envelope stuffing, block walking, phone banking, door greeting, and so on.

Social and political issues and how they impact someone’s paying job may prevent them from volunteering for causes they feel passionate about.

• If one is a public advocate for an organization such as Planned Parenthood, which receives a lot of public censure for providing necessary services, one must consider the potential repercussions if disapproving family, church members, coworkers, etc. hear about that volunteer work.
• If the volunteer is employed in an “at-will” state, they could even be fired for their decision to publicly support certain organizations.

And it can be frustrating to volunteer for an organization that has not planned well or is not prepared to direct volunteers to where they need to be and could leave volunteers with inadequate resources to serve others, maybe putting the unwitting volunteers at the face of complaints from clients or event participants/attendees.

There are, of course, many more potential disadvantages to volunteerism, but it’s up to each individual to be informed and weigh the possibilities for themselves before committing to helping an organization or while deciding whether to continue that volunteer work.

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Answering questions: How do I know if I'm gay?

I put some time into recent responses on Quora and figured I'd share them here, too, since I clearly need to work on writing more consistently.

How do I know if I'm gay?

Only you know and can decide, but you don’t have to if you don’t want to. It can be tricky because not everyone’s sexual orientation matches neatly with their romantic orientation nor with their behaviors or preferences.

The short answer is that it’s entirely up to you to identify as you wish, and it’s totally valid, too, if your feelings change over time.

The longer answer requires asking yourself if you feel physical or sexual or romantic attraction toward people of the same gender as you, and whether you feel those things toward only the same gender as you or maybe in differing degrees toward people of various genders.

Popular discourse rarely separates the types of attraction, instead assuming that people uniformly feel physical, sexual, and romantic attraction in the same way. However, people can find themselves experiencing any mix of heterosexual, bisexual, pansexual, homosexual attraction paired with heteroromantic or homoromantic or biromantic attraction or even various shades of aromantic, demiromantic, asexual, or demisexual feelings.

These are the simplest definitions (though each has more individual nuance that you can learn about through your own research) for these terms:

• heterosexual – experiencing sexual attraction toward people of a gender different from your own
• homosexual – experiencing sexual attraction toward people of a gender the same as your own
• bisexual – experiencing sexual attraction toward people of genders both like and unlike your own
• pansexual – experiencing sexual attraction toward people of any gender
• asexual – when one generally does not experience sexual attraction toward other people and/or does not desire sexual activity with other people (There’s more info at asexuality.org)
• demisexual – falls under the umbrella of asexual but can mean that one only very rarely experiences sexual attraction toward other people and/or only experiences sexual attraction if there is first a romantic/emotional connection with a person, and many similar caveats (It’s not just “being picky” about sexual partners. There’s more info at asexuality.org)
• heteroromantic – experiencing romantic feelings (attraction/connection/affection) toward people of a gender different from your own
• homoromantic – experiencing romantic feelings(attraction/connection/affection) toward people of a gender the same as your own
• biromantic – experiencing romantic feelings (attraction/connection/affection) toward people of genders both like and unlike your own
• panromantic – experiencing romantic feelings (attraction/connection/affection) toward people of any gender

So it is possible that someone could be both heteroromantic and asexual, someone else could be biromantic and heterosexual, someone could be bisexual and demisexual and homoromantic, and so on.

Most of us have never thought about these particulars and might not know immediately, but knowing there are more spectrums, axes, and nuance to sexual orientation is a great starting point for understanding and determining or defining what our own is.

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Answering questions: Can you be healthy but not fit?

I put some time into recent responses on Quora and figured I'd share them here, too, since I clearly need to work on writing more consistently.

Can you be healthy but not fit?

Yes, but we need to define our terms first.

Americans in the US typically use “fit” to describe physical fitness and athletic capability, whereas other English-speakers in the world may use it to describe people’s appearances and level of attractiveness. The juxtaposition of “healthy and fit” implies the former definition (physical/athletic ability).

“Healthy” has myriad definitions, but I assume the questioner means metabolic health, which includes measures of blood pressure, triglycerides, LDL-cholesterol, HDL-cholesterol, total cholesterol, fasting plasma glucose, etc.

There are, indeed, many people who test in the “normal” and “healthy” ranges on such metabolic measures but who do not exercise regularly and/or may have physical limitations or disabilities that limit fitness endeavors. Metabolic measures are frequently influenced by genetics, so that “health” is not entirely within our control. But those influences can result in good metabolic health or poor metabolic health independently of physical fitness, which takes action and training to achieve.

Physical fitness can influence metabolic health, as metabolic health can influence physical fitness. If a person has naturally high blood pressure, it might not be safe for them to undertake an intense exercise regimen in pursuit of physical fitness. However, researchers have found that “even low levels of physical activity have a beneficial effect on metabolic fitness and the overall health of the individual.” (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pub...)

Many doctors erroneously mistake weight/BMI as a proxy for health. From the article “Weight Science: Evaluating the Evidence for a Paradigm Shift”:

• Yet using BMI as a proxy for health may be more costly than addressing health directly. Consider, for example, the findings of a study which examined the "healthy obese" and the "unhealthy normal weight" populations . The study identified six different risk factors for cardiometabolic health and included subjects in the "unhealthy" group if they had two or more risk factors, making it a more stringent threshold of health than that used in categorizing metabolic syndrome or diabetes. The study found a substantial proportion of the overweight and obese population, at every age, who were healthy and a substantial proportion of the "normal weight" group who were unhealthy.
• Psychologist Deb Burgard examined the costs of overlooking the normal weight people who need treatment and over-treating the obese people who do not. She found that BMI profiling overlooks 16.3 million "normal weight" individuals who are not healthy and identifies 55.4 million overweight and obese people who are not ill as being in need of treatment. When the total population is considered, this means that 31 percent of the population is mis-identified when BMI is used as a proxy for health.

So athleticism, metabolic health, and body size are all different variables, and while any one of them can influence another, none definitely determines or defines another. A person can be healthy and not fit. A person can be fit and have poor metabolic health. And a person can be either of these at any size or weight.

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Nana

Sorting through documents, I found this thing I'd written about my Nana shortly before she died.

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Last night my mom told me my grandmother has 2 months at the very most. I was supposed to go see her today but hadn't the energy left to drive there and back tonight. I felt absolutely terrible, but I got to talk to her on the phone which made me feel a thousand times better. She was baptized this morning as a Catholic. For 20 years she's been a Protestant in a Catholic family and I am so happy for her. She was very sad and emotional on the phone, but she was so happy to be baptized this morning. That's so wonderful for her. She told me how she'll always love me and everything you'd expect from your dying grandmother. My throat caught when I had to say good-bye though. Last time I saw her, I knew I'd get to see her again. I'm going home tomorrow, but I don't feel so sure anymore. I want to remember her forever just as I saw her the last time on Easter. You might have seen a sick old woman lying in a cold hospital, but I didn't. She was so beautiful to me and so amazing. She was a vision of perfection that day, and I could swear she was an angel. Perhaps it was the white gown she wore and the white lights around her in the room or my memory exaggerating and perfecting as it sees fit, but I don't think so. She glowed with that inner light which I've only seen in a few people I'm close to. The love I felt from her in that room, surrounded by all her children and grandchildren and her husband was so strong and enveloping. I don't know if you would have seen it, but the world did not exist outside of us. I want to remember my Nana shining as she did that day, with the light of the love of her family, all flowing and intermingling and connected to all of us.  I want that image burned into me forever.

Fun at Fugitive Fitness

Last night I had a great first Functional Strength class at Fugitive Fitness - Parkour Dallas. I've done a couple Parkour Foundations classes there, but the scheduling is sometimes tricky, so I wanted to check out the strength class.

Since no one else signed up for that hour, I got a one-on-one session with the instructor and a personalized workout. It was very challenging, but I *just* completed it in the allotted time.

I definitely could have gone heavier on the deadlifts but wanted to start conservatively because I don't practice them and had never seen the large ball weights before. I rocked the push-ups (no knees!) with only minor wormy-wobbling near the end. Hated the crunches but got through with only a very few poorly done.

My resistance band pull-ups were admittedly pathetic, but I've never attempted nearly so many at once, so I'm okay with what I managed—especially since I did keep going until the end and did more than a shoulder shrug on every rep.

I should try to find more creative ways to do core work since it is definitely my least favorite.

I definitely want to attend more parkour classes, but I think I'll also attend the strength class again.

 

Eat a damn vegetable

If you’re at all like me, then you’re also one of the 9 out of 10 Americans who don’t eat enough fruits and veggies and for whom no amount of PSA messaging is likely to change that.

The reasons hardly matter, be they access, preparation, taste, or disinterest. There’s no need to judge ourselves harshly for this “failure” either.  I’m sure we all have enough other stress in our lives—between work, training, commuting, kids, partners, art, chores, volunteering, activism, etc.—that fretting over finishing your peas just isn’t worth it.

But (again), if you’re at all like me, then you probably also go through cycles of trying to increase or diversify your veggie intake—a week, a month, or more at a time, you might find the motivation and determination to make it happen. Even then, it may take A LOT of energy to plan and execute.

Here I share some ideas for the in-between times when you have interest in getting more produce but have limited time, energy, desire, or funds. These are my favorite ways (or “hacks” if this were a clickbait listicle) to eat a damn vegetable, specifically simple ways to sneak them into my usual diet.

• Fruit smoothies: Preparing your own breakfast smoothies is an easy way to get both fruits AND veggies. My go-to recipe includes 1 or two bananas, a handful of baby spinach, ginger, granola, almond milk, vanilla yogurt, and a scoop of vanilla protein powder (because I also struggle to get enough protein). The great thing about spinach is that it has a mild flavor easily covered by the other ingredients and adds a lot of important nutrients to the mix. Pinterest of course has a lot of recipe suggestions, and you can add any variation of fruits and veggies that you like.
• Frozen Steamfresh veggie and protein mixes (or whatever brand you like): Technology has come a long way such that flash-freezing produce is the norm, and the method preserves nutrients just as well as canning. Supermarkets offer lots of tasty vegetable mixes, some with light sauce or seasoning and/or added protein items. And you can just throw the whole bag in the microwave for five minutes and pour out a fresh, hot bowl full of veggies. Hawaiian style is my favorite: whole grains, shelled edamame, carrots, pineapple, and white beans with a pineapple ginger sauce.
• Baby food: I actually got this idea when I was pet-sitting my sisters’ sugar gliders once. They get a tub of baby food each day, but I splashed a bit when I opened the food and licked it off my fingers without a thought. Turns out that baby food fruit and veggie mixes are freakin’ delicious (especially when chilled). So I buy the pouches with a cap from the grocery store to snack on during the day, and I get a wider variety of produce than I’d ever buy and prepare myself: pumpkin, squash, beets, and even kale masked by yummier things like mango and raspberry.
• Subscription boxes: I don't know yet whether I'm recommending these, but next week I'm starting my free trial of Blue Apron, so I'll be back to write more about it.

Balancing your eating habits doesn't have to be a chore and doesn't require cutting out all sweets and restricting your favorite foods. Just add some variety and nutrients when you can.

What are your favorite ways to prepare and eat fruits and vegetables?

Ego and Fragility

[CN: Weight loss, surgery, assholery]

I subscribe to a weekly e-mail list that provides creative art prompts for the whole year. One week’s e-mail frivolously lauded weight loss:

“Back in November I had a major surgery.  One of the positives about that was that I lost 26 pounds.  I have needed to buy a lot of new clothes as a result.  Last weekend, I ran out of room in my closet because I was still hanging on to my pre-surgery clothes.  In order to bring anymore new things into my closet, I was going to have to let go of what didn't fit anymore........I was going to have to release what was no longer serving me in order to make space for wonderful new things.

“That experience left me in a week of inquiry about other places in my life that I needed to do some releasing.  What else could I let go of that wasn't serving me?  People, thoughts, feelings, behaviors, stuff.......what needed to go to make room for new possibilities?  The best time to do releasing work is during the full moon energy....which is now!”

After hesitating and revising a few times, I sent the artist some feedback:

“Weight loss (and lauding it) is a very serious topic that can easily trigger those who’ve dealt with weight cycling, body dysmorphia, and eating disorders, which are far more common than most know. I'm disappointed there wasn’t a content note at the top of this week’s e-mail to give readers a heads-up. It would have been just as easy to tell the story without going into the weight loss info; it’s common for people to hold onto clothing in older sizes that no longer fit and to need to buy new clothes, no matter whether larger or smaller in either case.”

Her response?

“M, I don't appreciate your lecture.  If you have been triggered by my subject matter I would suggest communicating with your therapist and take steps to self regulate.  Attempting to shame me is ineffective and of no value.

“I had most of my stomach removed. The weight loss was secondary. The point of the post was about letting go. Im sorry you missed that. Blessings.”

Since she decided to be a major asshole, I decided it wasn’t worth my time to respond. I wasn’t triggered. My point is that such dialogue is actively harmful to others. I’m sorry you missed that, lady.

A short, fair and dispassionate critique is not ‘an attempt to shame and lecture.’ If I wanted to lecture and shame you, I’d strongly suggest you practice letting go that aggression, self-centeredness, smug attitude, self-righteousness, and ego. But that would be ineffective.

It isn’t fucking about YOU, lady. Oh, wait. You’ve just clarified that this art prompts workshop that you’ve SO generously provided is NOT, in fact, about guiding, inspiring, teaching, or lifting up others or building community—it is only all about you, almighty art guru.

Oh, boy. And then she went and posted this to the Facebook group for the e-mail list subscribers/participants:

"Hey ya'all. A little mercy please. There are occasionally typos and errors in my emails, things that make you uncomfortable, etc. It isn't necessary to email me before dawn to tell me I'm imperfect....I got five today. I already know and I'm ok with that. And you are responsible for managing your emotions if something triggers you. Attempting to shame me or project your shit onto me...Never ok."

I sent the message at 10 a.m. CST, and she responded within minutes. And she generally sends the prompts at 3 or 4 a.m., so I don't know what that is about. But if FIVE people tell you there’s a problem, maybe you should think about the people you’re hurting.

And talk about projection. The irony: it burns us.

You don’t have to put up with people being inconsiderate and deliberately being jerks when asked to think about it. And you probably ought not be giving regular advice about self-reflection that you cannot take.

Running for Geeks

I’d loved running since I started doing it in 2010, but after my December 2016 marathon, which was miserable, I was blistered, beaten down, and burned out. Now I’m in this weird running purgatory. As of this writing, I’ve run seven times in 2017 and maybe one or two times more than that since the marathon, and most of all that was walking intervals.

I knew it would take several weeks to heal from the physical pounding of such an event, but I hadn’t imagined how long it might take to heal mentally and emotionally. Knowing that it’s not uncommon for a runner to find herself in a bit of a funk and needing a short break or recovery season doesn’t make it easier to deal with.

But instead of worrying over it, I’ve spent the down time lifting weights, developing a personal yoga practice, walking more, fighting zombies, and hatching Pokémon. The Pokémon Go and Zombies, Run! apps got me through the most mind-numbing miles or marathon training, and I have faith that they will help me find the drive to run many more.

Competition is a great motivator, and sure, you can invite friends or coworkers to challenges like logging the most steps per day on FitBit, but that doesn’t interest me these days. I need more creative and interactive fitness-driven games.

So I find myself absorbed in collecting a virtual zoo. In addition to spawning wild monsters, the PoGo app spontaneously distributes eggs to hatch into Pokémon, achieved by walking or slowly running 2K, 5K, or 10K, depending on the egg, up to nine eggs at a time.

Zombies, Run! is an interactive, narrative audio game about YOU saving the world from zombies, mad scientists, lions, and rogues all while collecting supplies to expand, upgrade, and protect your virtual home base. The writing is absolutely brilliant, and the cast of characters is delightfully diverse, including many women and queers, with those identities being merely incidental not integral to the plot itself. Each time, I can barely wait for my next mission; the engaging story always has me wishing I could run more miles or minutes to find out what happens next.

Combining North Texas’ bizarrely beautiful spring weather of late, that Team Valor “gotta hatch ‘em all!” attitude, and the encroaching apocalypse, I’ll find the joy of running again soon enough.

New Ambassadorship — Bullet Dodged

I got started running when I joined a women’s walking club in early 2010. One ultra marathoner in the group tried to talk us into signing up for a 10k that summer. We peer-pressured one another into all registering and started running to prepare for that race. And we all did it.

I’ve been hooked (off and on) ever since.

Edited on March 22 to add: A much later confirmation e-mail indicated ambassadors are expected to re-share Run4Life posts twice a week, submit a blog post monthly, and participate in a running event monthly (and would receive a t-shirt and maybe some other miscellaneous branded gear). Which seems excessive. And is expensive.

For comparison:

• The year-long ENELL ambassador program provided two sports bras, a tech t-shirt, a long-sleeve tech shirt, and a cool tote; paid for three race registrations; and required that I write about those three events and tag/reshare ENELL on social media, though no set number.
• Moosejaw sent a tech t-shirt, bumper sticker, flag, can koozie, and discount codes in exchange for posting photos of myself wearing the shirt and holding the flag at races and tagging them, no set number.
• BondiBand requested a 3-month commitment, social media tags, and monthly blog or video posts and sent a pair of compression socks to review (which weren't great) and paid a commission on all sales made via my personal discount code.

Since Run4Life's ambassador program was new, I asked in the ambassadors Facebook group what inspired the requirements for ambassadors and received a  response about someone's illness inspiring the founders to share/promote their love of running. I said, "Thanks, I find it interesting that the social media and racing requirements are more than the other three brand ambassadorships I've completed ... combined." And I was deleted from the group without a word for two days until I reached out to ask about it.

Chat transcript:

Me (Moniqa): Hi, Jeff. I don't know if Facebook is being glitch or what, but I'm having trouble finding the ambassadors' group. Do you have a link for it? Thanks.

Jeff: Moniqe, We decided that our group was not a fit with you.

Me: And is there a reason you chose not to discuss that with me or even inform me of this decision?

Jeff: I just informed you.

Me: Yes, after I sought you out. That is very unprofessional behavior. Please remove my content from the Run4Life site/blog.

Though I'm irritated with this behavior, I'm ultimately glad to have dodged the bullet of providing so much free labor and content for a brand that definitely doesn't offer the "encouragement," "guidance," and "community" it claims on its banner.