Answering Queries: Volunteerism and mental health

I put some thought into recent responses on Quora and figured I'd share them here, too, since I clearly need to work on writing more consistently.

How does volunteering and "giving back" improve mental health?

Often, a feature of poor mental health is feeling as if one has no purpose in life. Volunteering addresses this in a very direct way because it allows a person to fill a need in their community.

Additionally, it can get people out of the house when they might otherwise struggle to do so and provides an opportunity to meet new people, learn new skills, make new friends, demonstrate previously hidden or unrecognized competencies, pet animals at a shelter, spend time in nature, travel, attend interesting but expensive fundraising events or conferences that might otherwise be inaccessible for a volunteer, hear influential speakers, participate in enjoyable movement and exercise, and make the world a better place, all of which can improve mental well-being in various ways.

Keeping busy with volunteer activities can also aid in mindfulness practices and minimizing rumination. It can expose people to new viewpoints that counter false beliefs and negative thinking patterns and give a sense of perspective of the variety of challenges that others may be struggling with.

There are myriad potential mental health benefits to volunteering and giving back to others that will vary for each person and volunteer opportunity.

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Answering Queries: Asexuality

I put some thought into recent responses on Quora and figured I'd share them here, too, since I clearly need to work on writing more consistently.

How do you deal with being asexual?

It can help to remember that there is nothing wrong with you. Society is messed up. Social stigma is never your fault. Our culture’s valuation of sexual relationships is narrow-minded, unbalanced, impractical, and unhealthy.

Others’ assumptions about asexuality and misunderstandings can create a lot of challenges in social interactions, but that is not your fault either.

One way to deal with this is to find community. Look for asexual and demisexual groups and pages to follow on social media and forums, check out meetup groups in your area, and explore the friends-seeking features on apps like OkCupid and Bumble.

Learning more about your particular feelings of attraction or lack thereof both sexually and romantically as well as your desires in relation to sexual, sensual, affectionate, and platonic touch will help you develop a strong sense of self and help in navigating relationships with friends and others. It will allow you to determine your wants, needs, and boundaries and how to express them so others will learn how to treat you. There are more and more books, blogs, YouTube videos, memes, and podcasts on these topics. The Asexual Visibility and Education Network has some great resources to look into.

Some ace folk find ethical non-monogamy and polyamory to be valid and fulfilling relationship models because they can enjoy partnership (be it romantic, affectionate, queerplatonic, or something else) without pressure or expectation to fulfill someone’s specific needs that do not mesh with their own. There are lots of books, podcasts, blogs, conferences, social events, and social media groups that can provide more information if this is something that piques your curiosity.

Visibility of asexuality is increasing, and there are many queer allies pushing for better understanding, inclusion, and support of the asexual spectrum within the LGBTQIA community.

Above all, do what feel right for you and don’t give in to others’ pressures or expectations. Be true to yourself, and find people who respect, support, and honor you in doing so.

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Answering Queries: Sexual Orientation and Child-Rearing

I put some thought into recent responses on Quora and figured I'd share them here, too, since I clearly need to work on writing more consistently.

How does gender identity and the relatively recent occurrence of people identifying themselves as pan-sexual poly-sexual, omnis-sexual, ambi-sexual, and fluid sexuality merge into traditional mother and father roles when raising children?

The sexual orientations listed in the original question (pansexual, polysexual, omnisexual, ambisexual, fluid), as well as homosexual, bisexual, and heterosexual, really only define the types of people that one finds sexually or romantically attractive.

Whether one is attracted to men, women, or anyone else is not indicative of whether they want children or how they would choose to raise them.

For any parents of any type, the division of labor and childcare in a house is up to them to determine based on their preferences, skills, and abilities.

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Answering Queries: My Spouse is Bisexual?

I put some thought into recent responses on Quora and figured I'd share them here, too, since I clearly need to work on writing more consistently.

What should I do that I've discovered my husband is a bisexual?

If he has told you he is bisexual, then support him and thank him for trusting you with that information. It can be hard to come out to friends and loved ones because there is so much erasure of bisexuality in our culture as well as negative stereotypes and bi-phobia from both heterosexual AND homosexual peers.

Nothing has actually changed except that he has revealed a private part of himself to you. Maybe ask him if he feels a desire to act on those feelings and discuss whether or how you two want to address that.

If he has not told you, then he is not ready to, and it is not for you to “out” him.

Despite common misconceptions, bisexual people are no more or less likely to break relationship agreements than, say, a person who finds both blondes and brunettes attractive.

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Answering Queries: Superheroes' Tragic Origins

I put some time into recent responses on Quora and figured I'd share them here, too, since I clearly need to work on writing more consistently.

Are there any superheroes without tragic backstories? Why does a tragic backstory seem to be obligatory for a superhero comic?

There are some superheroes without tragic backstories, but many of them aren’t as widely known as the blockbusters’ lead characters. A few have unremarkable lives before gaining powers or becoming heroes. Several experience tragedy only after becoming heroes. And others have tragic events in their past unrelated to their being superheroes.

John Stewart has an unremarkable history before being chosen as Green Lantern, after which he fails in love and marries, and then his wife dies.

Lunella Lafayette (Moon Girl) is a 9-year-old prodigy and an outcast at school before meeting Devil Dinosaur. There's no real tragedy, just frustration at not being taken seriously by others. She fears the Terrigan Mist, but her encountering it is suspenseful, still not tragic.

Squirrel Girl discovers she can communicate with squirrels and later grows a tail—awkward, but no tragedy.

Faith/Zephyr from Image Comics begins her first solo issue with a monologue about how her parents died and didn't leave her with anything extraordinary except “the stories they loved. Stories that showed me how people could make the world a better place. And then I met a guy named Peter Stanchek and he helped me discover I had superpowers.” He was capable of activating others’ latent powers, but there is no drama to it.

Even Wonder Woman lives an idyllic life, literally growing up on Paradise Island, before Steve Trevor comes along.

[Edited to add] Kitty Pryde of the X-Men has no tragic backstory. She began suffering headaches at the age of 13 when her powers began to manifest, but she doesn’t encounter conflict until after meeting the X-Men. [/end edit]

The tragic origin story trope exists because conflict is generally considered essential to plot, and the reality is that no one has a perfect life.

There's simply nothing compelling nor remotely relatable or engaging in a story about someone who overcame no obstacles and now has it all plus extraordinary powers and a quiet life; they need an event to create the opportunity for them to right a wrong.

Superheroes can only be superheroes at all if there is conflict. A person with nothing to do but twiddle their thumbs cannot be called “heroic.

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A Letter to my Congressmen on SCOTUS Nominees and Roe v. Wade

I'm sharing the wording from my recent letter-writing efforts to state and national legislators/politicians for those who want ideas on where to begin. Do feel free to borrow my ideas and wording and get shit done.
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As your constituent, I’m writing today to urge you to reject any Trump nominee for the Supreme Court who would vote to overturn Roe v. Wade and turn back 45 years of progress since the landmark decision.  

A recent poll showed that 67 percent of Americans do not want Roe to be overturned. We’re the majority and we’re not going anywhere.

“El Salvador has a 'culture of life.' There, abortion is banned for any reason. Estimates from the Ministry of Health put the number of illegal abortions performed at 19,290 between 2005 and 2008. However, it’s difficult to trace illegal activity properly, so some other estimates claim this is closer to the annual average. We do know, from a 2011 study by the World Health Organization that 11 percent of the women undergoing these illegal abortions die. That is, at the bare minimum, over 2,000 women.

"Amnesty International reports that suicide now accounts for 57 percent of deaths of pregnant females ages 10-19 in El Salvador. Because in an attempt to terminate their pregnancies, women are 'ingesting rat poison or other pesticides, and thrusting knitting needles, pieces of wood and other sharp objects into the cervix.'

"It was not so long ago that women in the United States were in a position similar to the one women in El Salvador find themselves in today. Before the passage of Roe. Vs. Wade in 1973, it’s estimated that between 250 and 8,000 American women were dying per year of illegal abortions."

—Excerpt from Harpers Bazaar

And for as much grief as we saw legislators give Obama’s SCOTUS nominations, at the VERY least, voters deserve the opportunity to voice their votes in November and let a TRULY representative legislature consider nominations on our behalf.

Consider your constituency and vote NO on hasty Supreme Court nominations.

A Letter to my Congressmen on Immigration Policy

I'm sharing the wording from my recent letter-writing efforts to state and national legislators/politicians for those who want ideas on where to begin. Do feel free to borrow my ideas and wording and get shit done.
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As your constituent, I am writing today to express my opposition to the administration’s enactment of a “zero-tolerance” policy toward immigrants and refugees seeking to enter the United States. And I urge you as my representative to work harder to ensure that the US treats people humanely.

Legality does not dictate morality, and the current treatment of immigrant families and children is deplorable. Separating young children from their parents is morally bankrupt and permanently traumatizing. Not even violent crimes could justify the human rights abuses this practice seeks to do.

I share the sentiments of former First Lady Laura Bush, herself a Dallas resident as well:

“I live in a border state. I appreciate the need to enforce and protect our international boundaries, but this zero-tolerance policy is cruel. It is immoral. And it breaks my heart.

“Our government should not be in the business of warehousing children in converted box stores or making plans to place them in tent cities in the desert outside of El Paso. These images are eerily reminiscent of the Japanese American internment camps of World War II, now considered to have been one of the most shameful episodes in U.S. history. We also know that this treatment inflicts trauma; interned Japanese have been two times as likely to suffer cardiovascular disease or die prematurely than those who were not interned.

“Americans pride ourselves on being a moral nation, on being the nation that sends humanitarian relief to places devastated by natural disasters or famine or war. We pride ourselves on believing that people should be seen for the content of their character, not the color of their skin. We pride ourselves on acceptance. If we are truly that country, then it is our obligation to reunite these detained children with their parents — and to stop separating parents and children in the first place.

“People on all sides agree that our immigration system isn't working, but the injustice of zero tolerance is not the answer.”